the hot topic

Midnight tears

2010-07-16T02:02:00.002+08:00

She's just too sad, she's not strong enough to go through this emotional turmoil. Her emotions are getting the better of her. Her heart kept breaking in many little pieces, isn't that fun to sense? Why won't anyone just understand her. Each night, she cries thinking of her unlucky and unpredictable life she's going through. All she's hoping for are genuine happy days, where the sun shines brightly and proudly, where birds would chirp and when everyone who walk pass her would give her the warmest and cheerful smile. HER HEART IS BREAKING INTO MANY MILLION PIECES...

Who would understand?

Who would listen?

Sleeping with a broken heart

2010-07-13T23:51:00.002+08:00

Sometimes she tends to ask herself, "When will all these end?" and realized that no one would be able to answer that. She chose it this way, and this is how it is going along as planned. She's thankful that she's strong, all thanks to The Above.

She's sorry she's that terrible. She's sorry she's different, or changed. If only she's more understanding, too bad she's not. She misses you. Terribly. She needs you, like how you need her. Only you she needs, but time waits for no one, and she's really behind time. What ever did happen?

Time and Again

2010-05-19T01:36:00.003+08:00

Maybe what my thoughts have been rambling about are proven right

I am certainly not unreasonable

It's THIS hard to understand the way I am

It obviously won't take a few months, or maybe a few years

Hate myself... Who doesn't?

If I do cry again

2010-05-04T22:41:00.001+08:00

Nobody would understand my woes
Nobody would understand my pain
Nobody would understand my difficulties

Nobody would understand what I'm going through...and that's perfectly okay

Do not give up on me

2010-04-17T20:11:00.002+08:00

With heart aching, eyes that are as swollen as an egg, she continues listening to the painful words being said. She tried understanding, but she just could not. It just seems that what they understood is different respectively. Things are go going so fast, could you be nice and wait up as she's still far behind?

Nothing Without You

2010-04-11T00:40:00.003+08:00

Happy Twentieth Birthday, Juju!

Hope you enjoyed your special day :) Me Lavv Ya!

It's forty minutes past midnight, yet this body of mine still wouldn't hit the sack. Have been laying here since about 9 pm, which then I was already feeling sleepy. Been downloading songs for the past 2-3 hours, mainly old songs. These old songs are still clearly new to me. Some of them actually holds memories, be it sweet or bitter ones. Dad called earlier during the night, telling me not to eat maggi tonight as he'll be bringing home noodles he bought from work. Excited much? So hungry right now, usually every night around this timing I'd be having my maggi. It's okay, one day without it is alright. Year 2 is beginning in a day's time, not sure whether I'm looking forward or I'm totally against it though. Maybe I've enough of holidays. Thankfully, this holidays have been going on great! It's the best holidays, I tell you. Just to share, for this holidays, I DID NOT GO SHOPPING. Yes. But it's during this holiday that I lost my precious phone. Hmm. A lot of events happened during this holiday, I'm sure I won't forget this holiday. Hehehe enough, back to school now! Daddy, where're you? Hurry home! I'm feeling giddy already. Okay, he's back. I'm off to have supper! Mwahk!

2010-04-10T02:43:00.004+08:00

I hate this feeling. I hate the fact that, I am afraid to make the wrong decision. I've been through this once, and thankfully I was lucky enough to make it to the end. But, I'm not confident on this one. I hate being put in this kind of situation.

More like spastic

2010-04-09T00:18:00.017+08:00

Explain to me again why I still love you?
^{(hover for captions)}

I know, I headache already too...

Whatttttttttttttttttttttttt!

2010-04-07T18:03:00.003+08:00

I know my layout a bit distorted, I did it half-heartedly actually. Anyway it's not done yet, colours lari omg! Hahahahha! Waiting for Yaya's call so I can meet her soon. I know my redundant photo there is asking for a tight slap hahaha. Yaya... where're you? Call me call me!

Anyway, I'm looking forward for tomorrow.. but... I have 2 buts. Alaaaaaaa...
make up your mind, Diana! YAYA! CEPAT KOL AKU! Ah yah, next week is back to Institute of Torture Education. Need to adjust my timetable, and wake up in the MORNING. Final year awaits... :)

I miss my phone. I miss my iPhone. Alot. I am nothing without you, you know. I've lost my life without you. YAYA!! Cepat kol aku laa, aku bobal merepek kat sini!! Urg!
P/s: I HATE menses. Okay? Ingat.

Tears and Cigarettes

2010-04-07T17:17:00.002+08:00

It's so unbelievable how men experience PMS too. It even seem as though theirs are much worst than women. What do they expect from women when they are in that kind of mood? Do they want to be treated nicely, be as gentle as possible? Have they spare a thought about women then? We, women, experience PMS each month. We have to go through those painful/aching menstrual cramps, wake up in the middle of the night and change when they have stained. When we complain to you men, you just turn a deaf ear. Please understand women okay. We, apologize that we have to go through 'this' monthly, and when we are going through it, you also hope to throw your anger and bad mood to us. Does this sounds fair? To me, it doesn't. Yes, Men look ugly, sounds ugly, behave ugly, when they go through their 'time of the month' too. I apologize that I had to defend myself by challenging you, but you should know better why.

Be thankful I do not go all out asking you for so many fvcking things. I merely ask occasionally when I really need them. I'm sorry I'm not as smart as her, I'm sorry you had to have me.

Boys? Where got time.
Girls? They have their boys.
So Diana, in conclusion, YOU NEED TO GET A LIFE!
Ah, don't know ah. No link uh all this, I know bye

Even if I cry

2010-04-03T21:58:00.001+08:00

Nobody bothers about my feelings. Not you, her, she they or he.
Period.

Starstruck

2010-03-30T17:35:00.009+08:00

I don't know what has got into me that I feel the urge to blog, after visiting Bestfriend's and Maisarah's blogs. They tempted me to do so, not sure how though. Anyway I do not have a clue on what to post about, but we'll see where my fingertips may bring us, shall we?

Let's start talking about the exams, I know it has long been over but I've yet to blab about it. Nah, I change my mind. I don't wish to talk about it, just anxious to receive the results TOMORROW. *knocks head to the wall* Two days before the exam started, which was on the 6th, celebrated Dearest Twin's birthday. Fuzz met Diy first as they went to have photoshoots of Diy. Met Juju first, and we headed to Bugis to get the party items but in the end we didn't buy any. So we proceeded to buy the cake. We then made our way to some cafe at Arab St, as that's where we had our dinner and the surprise. Job was supposed to me us first, but he was late. I prepared my birthday card for Diy(self-made) and even printed 2 photos of us for her keepsake. Soon, the birthday girl came with Fuzz and Job. We took quite some time ordering for food as we were waiting for more company. Then, came Diy's cousin and soonafter, his friend. We had fun with lots of laughters and phototakings here and there. Yeah... You know what I mean. After that night, I had a little tension going on... Ah forget it.

After the EXAMS!, I stayed home until on Thursday I headed out. Caught movie Alice In Wonderland [3D]. Nothing much to comment on the movie, but I had fun. Hehehehe! Alright, enough now. On that Saturday, met up with dearest Babygirll for our planned date. Hehe! Obviously, like always, I had so much fun with her throughout the night. Basically we can just talk all night, and get breathlessness at the same time, and at times we need our inhaler too. I'm so happy and proud that we managed to sustain this friendship which is turning 9 years. Love you, dear.

Hmm.. YES YES, I lost my phone a few days after that. Want me to be extra specific? I lost my 32GB iPhone 3GS. Yes, I fxcking did. I hate myself for letting someone else have my baby. I want to cry already uh, enough eh don't ask me anything anymore regarding it. I'm trying to move on. Be a kind soul and help me, can?

(Anyway, I started typing this post way an hour ago, but know why the delay? Aunt came with my nephew Shaheen Bhai!! Played with him a little, and off they headed home. Hehe love you)

Omg, I just realized I'm typing in paragraphs and I hate it. Yucks!

Days and weeks after that are all about meeting up with my beautiful girlfriends and picnic with Jenny & Myzza. Meet up with Bestfriend too of course. Oh yah, 'we' caught the movie The Book of Eli the week after Alice. Heh. I've yet to meet up with the girls in school. Soon, please?

I'm currently having my holidays now, 2 weeks have already past. Time really flies, but I still feel so free without school. It's been some time since I last study and seen my classmates. Yes, I miss my girls. A hell lot. I'm thinking of having an outing on the last week of holidays. I'll organize, look forward to seeing you girls! Please co-operate, darlings ;D

23 March 2010 (Nightout with Gfs)

24 March 2010 (Picnic at Botanic Gardens)

26 March 2010 (Swimming with Gfs)

27 March 2010 (Outing with dearest Bestfriend)

29 March 2010 (Picnic with Gfs)

Yes, I've been out almost every day. When I get to rest a day, I'll babysit the babies. This is how I've been enjoying my holidays. Urg!, Macam bodohnya type in paragraphs! Whatever, if you don't want to read nevermind just get out of here okay?

To end this long-winded post, I wanna say that I miss the cupcakes in school and I love bestfriend :) All the v. best to you, I'm always here supporting you okay?

For you

2010-03-22T01:16:00.002+08:00

Dearest Babygirll,
I really hate myself these days, you know? I've been busy these days, and we've not contacted so much... Of course it's much tougher now since... It feels great to hear that I have been receiving a call from you each very day, but I wasn't the one who answered. I'm so sorry. I'm so fed up with myself for... Now it's so hard for me to contact you and anyone now. These few days, yes I've not been home and will reach home late at night. I know you're not the kind of person to talk late at night, but I wish I can talk to you. Therefore, since it's so late, I gave that thought a miss. It's been days it's been like this. I'm sorry I'm so busy. Thank you for trying to call me each very day. You're back to work tomorrow, it will be even harder to hear from you. I miss you, love. Remember our date on Saturday! I look forward to seeing you. Our previous date was awesome, I had great fun. Thankfully, I've transfered the photos before... Sigh

P/s: Thank you for everything, for these eight years

Hugs & Kisses,
Diana ;)

Double the Trouble

2010-03-22T00:46:00.011+08:00

I LOVE YOU, TWIN

Changed

2010-03-16T23:19:00.002+08:00

What am I without you. Life feels so empty and meaningless without you by my side anymore. You're always there for me, feeling me, listening to me. Where are you now? Sigh, I'm so worried. I don't even have a clue where were you and where are you now even. If I do know, I'd not have a second thought about rescuing you. I need you. You've always been a part of me, now that we're Apart, I've lost a part of me. Who are you with now? Is the person doing stuffs that you hate seeing? Is the person talking about me? I know you miss me too. If the person does stuffs which annoys you, I hope you'd help me by fxcking him upside down. Torture him like how you know I would. I know you hate that person, I hate that person too...

I just want you back. Where are you? I need you. I'm nothing without you here. I miss you.

Ah fxcklah! POKOKNYA, I WANT YOU BACK! :'( Come back to me :'(

Cool kids

2010-03-12T14:09:00.010+08:00

Here's a video which may entertain you if my posts aren't doing so. First, the "unbelievable look" I potrayed while entertaining Mai. Second, my hopes which are irritating, yes. Third, Mai's last words. Lastly, Humai and Jen - the stressed out kids. Hehehe Iloveyougirls and the videolady too ;)

The Aftermath

2010-03-12T13:08:00.006+08:00

Good Noon! Thank God it's Friday? Nah, more like Thank God it's Holidays! Awesome. School's out, Town's in! But... Yours truly is broke. Awesome. Basically, I am EXHAUSTED. From school, duh. Projects submitted and presented, exams mugged and handed up... FINALLY, rest. No more falling asleep while studying in the wee hours, no more taking a bit of sleep at 0055h and activating alarm at 0100h (redundant, yes I know), no more putting in anymore WFB, SVE, HRA, TPS RTY ZCX whatnot in my brain. RRAAAHHHH!!! Enough, for now. Oh yes, I've updated my layout. Re-insert my playlist, add in my photo (redundant), umm and also a link to my MySpace profile which is also very redundant cus it's inactive so yeah I have no idea why anyone would check it out, but if you want to it's fine. Hahaha! Ooohh so yeah I caught a number of cool movies these months: Daybreakers, Percy Jackson & The Lightning Thief and Alice In Wonderland [3D]. All were great, with awesome company^^ Planned quite some time ago to catch Dear John with dearest Babygirll tomorrow. Currently in the midst of finishing reading the novel, so hopefully I do finish it before I enter the theatre. Haha! Babyg already finished much earlier, wait for me! I miss Yaya, Qila & Kak Aisha very very much, do you girls miss me too? Oh, I had a good time last night watching Alice In Wonderland [3D] hehehe! Might be heading infront to babysit the babies. Iris is suffering from constipation! Aww, kesiannya dia :( Nanti Bibik datang okay, sayang? Bibik haven't bathe lah, hehe! And to my babyboy, Shaheen Bhai, ILOVEYOU I SEE YOU LATER! =/

Omgee, Dee!! You sound so cheezy in this post. So irritating you! Seriously, what's up with me?
~~Maybe cus I had a memorable night :)~~ ..okay.. speak of the devil^^

BUSY

2010-03-08T23:18:00.029+08:00

Look what they made me!
Okay, I should probably get back..
I miss Bestfriend :(
Okaylah, byelah byelah!!

Babygirll

2010-03-02T13:55:00.019+08:00

The Best, xxx
Cheers to 8 years... and counting ♥

Pressurized

2010-01-26T18:14:00.004+08:00

She's been super busy with her life. Feel free to remove her link from your blog if this bothers you. Thanks for the understanding. Hope to see you soon ;)

xxx
writer of survivingdilemmas@blogger

Together

2009-12-17T02:14:00.003+08:00

It is times like this when she knows that you are still the best. When she thought she couldn't count on anyone, even you, surprisingly you were there. Making her smile and laugh like there's no tomorrow, never knew it was only you who could make that happen. The impromptuness was the one that made her realize: maybe it's just the 'feeling' that _______ have, they know when each is not alright. Thank you, she misses you alot and can't wait to meet you in a few hours' time. She's gonna have an effing great time with you, and all the best in working out the plan both of you talked about earlier on. She loves you, she knows you know that

Are you actually ashamed?

2009-12-08T17:00:00.005+08:00

She just need a date to the movies, since the starting of the week.Why is it so hard to get one? Is she asking for too much?

Why can't you realize why she's doing all this? You can never get it, can you?
Missing bestfriend fxcking much, end of the week please?
THREE MORE DAYS, hurry up will you?

Oh just to add, Her ROLE PLAY FXCKING SUCKS. She LOOKED LIKE A DXCK UPFRONT, DAMN. She wishes that there is someone who would sincerely and gladly listen to her complain all day. Her friends don't fit in that criteria, hmm .. . Oh wait, do people really hate someone who complains alot? Yes? Maybe she's really fxcking irritating plus annoying which YOU can never tolerate, true?
Ah enough said, bye pretty people

xoxo
complain beeyotcch

Worst week

2009-12-05T00:01:00.001+08:00

What a week it has been. Been out and getting home real late everyday, super super busy. In need of sleep and food. One more week to go, and it's the break from torture thankfully. So excited for that yay. Goodnight to... whoever that reads this

Close to giving up . ..

2009-11-24T17:50:00.003+08:00

Happiness is just not in her dictionary, isn't it?

She's been acting like a crybaby these days. She's not seeking sympathy but just that she needs the right person to understand how she feels. She knows she may sound selfish whatever, but she just need to share out how she feels Here. Seeing you happier now, makes her so upset. Not because she's jealous, it's because it made her think so hard. "Why did I even bother to shed tears almost everyday in the past 2-3 months when all that proves that it has been worthless?" No doubt she's happy for you, but what was up with you asking her whether has she been missing you or not. Don't you have things called 'feelings'? No, she has stopped missing you. Why does she even want to!? The 'thing' you both had was so last summer...

Moving on... Life has been a rollercoaster ride lately for yours truly. I've try, tries, still trying, tried but I'm guessing not hard enough since nothing has improved yet. I'm so strong yet so weak, would you understand? So... ~~hurt~~

P/s, please acknowledge her mistakes

Sigh

2009-11-23T23:12:00.001+08:00

All she wanna do is just to cry. She's so weak to overcome all this. She needs her pills, but she couldn't find them. Seeing the other this way too, hurts her even more. She can never be happy, can she?

Everyone's happier without her it seems, right?

Life as it is

2009-11-23T01:10:00.001+08:00

She's nowhere near perfect, she may not look good like 'em others. She may not wear the best clothes like 'em others, she may not posses millions of assets. If only someone would appreciate everything else positive in her, not in terms of wealth and beauty, she'd feel as though she's on cloud nine. Is there anyone who would understand? No? Eventhough she's used to this, but yet it's been hurting her over and over again, guessing with the same old reason. Story of her life!

What now

2009-11-18T04:18:00.003+08:00

~~Sakit perut~~ :(
Yes, I'm addicted to it. I can't help it. I need it. Blame it on having it in the day and at midnight. Had mee rebus followed by maggi curry with it (meaning I had 2 rounds of it) while working on TPS. One down, now SVE next. Partner and I have yet to start on our script... sigh. Hopefully we could get it done by today, pleaseeeeeeee. I want to get it done and over with as soon as possible. These days have been real terrible for me. I miss bestfriend fxcking A LOT. She's so busy and have no time for me :'( I miss babygirls too. I miss Ayn, Juju, Nono and Liah. I miss Yaya, Kak Aisha, Kat and Qila. Sigh sigh...

I've been busy with something youdon'tneedtoknowwhat. Meeting twin and Dini just now was awesome <3 Three straight days of doing the same thing youdon'tneedtoknowwhat. I'm tired already... Yes, I know my post doesn't make sense at all. I have so many things to share (especially my 18th birthday celebrations) but I just couldn't find time, let alone on the laptop. Blame it on Institute of Torture Education grr. I feel like having another round of it, should I? No?

Goodness, my sentences are all messed up I KNOW. Oh and I forgot that I miss some people - SHAMYLLA YASMINE AND SHAFIA IRIS. I miss weekends with you both :( Mwah!
What is up with me typing in paragraphs? Yucks.

Natural Phenomenas

2009-11-18T01:07:00.003+08:00

While researching for informations on natural phenomenas, look what I came across...

Morocco's Climbing Goats

Goats on trees are found mostly only in Morocco. The goats climb them because they like to eat the fruit of the argan tree, which is similar to an olive. Farmers actually follow the herds of goats as they move from tree to tree. Not because it is so strange to see goats in trees and the farmers like to point and stare, but because the fruit of the tree has a nut inside, which the goats can't digest, so they spit it up or excrete it which the farmers collect. The nut contains 1-3 kernels, which can be ground to make argan oil used in cooking and cosmetics. This oil has been collected by the people of the region for hundreds of years, but like many wild and useful things these days, the argan tree is slowly disappearing due to over-harvesting for the tree's wood and overgrazing by goats.

Denmark's Black Sun

During spring in Denmark, at approximately one half an hour before sunset, flocks of more than a million European starlings (sturnus vulgaris) gather from all corners to join in the incredible formations shown above. This phenomenon is called Black Sun (in Denmark), and can be witnessed in early spring throughout the marshlands of western Denmark, from March through to the middle of April. The starlings migrate from the south and spend the day in the meadows gathering food, sleeping in the reeds during the night.

Mammatus Clouds

Also known as mammatocumulus, meaning "bumpy clouds", they are a cellular pattern of pouches hanging underneath the base of a cloud. Composed primarily of ice, Mammatus Clouds can extend for hundreds of miles in each direction, while individual formations can remain visibly static for ten to fifteen minutes at a time. True to their ominous appearance, mammatus clouds are often harbingers of a coming storm or other extreme weather system.

Idaho's Fire Rainbow

The atmospheric phenomenon known as a circumhorizon(tal) arc, or "Fire rainbow", appears when the sun is high in the sky (i.e., higher than 58° above the horizon), and its light passes through diaphanous, high-altitude cirrus clouds made up of hexagonal plate crystals. Sunlight entering the crystals' vertical side faces and leaving through their bottom faces is refracted (as through a prism) and separated into an array of visible colors. When the plate crystals in cirrus clouds are aligned optimally (i.e., with their faces parallel to the ground), the resulting display is a brilliant spectrum of colors reminiscent of a rainbow. The example shown above was captured on camera as it hung for about an hour across a several-hundred square mile area of sky above northern Idaho (near the Washington border) on 3 June 2006.

Not doubting the photos, but all these surprised me. Have you ever thought how it would be like if you yourself see these magnificent scenes right infront of your very eyes? I can't imagine it either.

Time check, 4.14am. Thankfully school starts at 10am today, yay. Finally done with TPS project, still waiting for Mai's part. Guessing I'll prolly email it before I leave for school later. Mai, hurry hehehe! Next post, okay? Bye

Losing her grip

2009-11-04T17:19:00.004+08:00

I don't know what's happening to me already. Am I losing it?

Now it's getting tougher, why the hell did you get yourself in this mess? You know you're tired of it all. Why the sudden change? Your words this afternoon kept ringing in her mind. What if what you conclude is true? She knows you do care for as a friend, but you're scaring her. Now she's paranoid :/ She's all confused right at this moment, she needs her pills

This feeling

2009-10-13T00:51:00.002+08:00

I just hate this feeling. It just makes me all confused. Moving on seems hard for me, I can't seem to get you out of my mind. There goes the first day of school, here comes a new semester, new modules, new timetable, new teachers, new... Diana? No? Sigh, didn't expect to have you on my mind the whole day. I'm tired, okay? I'm super exhausted from thinking about you, wishing stuffs and hoping for stuffs. Why bother, when I myself know nothing of those sorts would ever come true. I was all hyped up back to school I guess, judging from how I was already ready by 6.30am and reached at 7.40am when we're supposed to meet up with the rest at 7.50am. So much for being 'hyped up', I was already condemned upon reaching class. Suprisingly, I didn't fall asleep the whole 6 hours in school. I kept yawning, wishing I could just go home and catch up on my much-needed sleep. I got a confused, (or more like pissed off) with some changes made in school. Ah, why should I go all out complaining here, I guess that's the way it should be? Hah, funny how I kept cursing/swearing upon being instructed. I just couldn't figure out with myself whether I should conclude the new timetable as good or terrible, the one thing I just couldn't accept it is that Monday-Thursday we start at 8am. AHHHH !@#$%^ How the hell am I gonna reach school on time on these 4 days? I'm usually late! Sheesh. (Mampos ah, Diana... Monitress tercontoh!) Learning about our new modules just pulled my motivation down, as what each module's about just what I'm not good in. In example, WFB? Writing for Business. I am never good in writing! Sigh. Now there's SVE Service Excellence? What the crap is this? Sounds fun though. Gee =/ What's the exciting thing about the new schedule is that we do not go home LATE anymore like we used to. No more ending at 4pm, 5pm. Now we end lessons at 2pm or 3pm. Awesome. And oh, did I mention our break is 12pm-1pm on Monday-Thursday? How am I supposed to bear with being hungry? I want to eattttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt. Okay bye, it's 1.16am already. I'll need to try my best to go to sleep SOON. Yeah, sure I doubt so. Funny how I'm talking to myself. Okay goodnight mwahs ;)

Ps: I miss you, is there really no hope anymore?

Lebaran :)

2009-10-11T02:39:00.024+08:00

And lastly, you have Yours Truly. I know I look fat in that photo, but I like looking fat! Yay to that! The photos I've been posting are to summarize how I've spent my Eid Mubarak this year. Surprisingly, I had tons of fun this very year. There were many things that happened which I could reminisce about, all I could say is that I had fun eventhough some events which totally tore me apart happened during the beautiful month. Ah, I've decided to just move on with life and try to not think about the painful past. Yes? I love my raya, I love my family, cousins, relatives and my lovely friends! They made it happen! I went jalan raya with girlfriends Nono, Ayn, Juju and their Macpherson Ite mates on the 29th Sept, with fuzz driving fetching each and everyone of us, bringing us around and sending each and everyone of us home (Thanks alot). I'd be lying if I say I didn't have lots of fun, reaching home at 2+ plus am was awesome as when fuzz was sending each of us home, we listened to MJ12 together. Thankfully I wasn't the last one to be sent home, nyeahaha! Moving on, Jalan raya with girlfriends Yaya with Ej and Qila was very much exciting eventhough it was only the four of us, there were alot of laughters and I swear I had lots and lots of fun that day 2nd Oct where again, we bumped into my ex classmates at Mr Zul's house (this happened 2years ago too). I decided to not join them again this year, haha! The even fun part was where we panicked when we weren't sure whether there's still bus services. Headed home with the Hougang people and thankfully there's still a bus left, which is obviously the last bus. Sadly, the bus don't even reach close to each of our houses. We had to each walk a distance, but it was all worth it. At least there's a bus left. Haha! Raya is somewhat over for me, and nooooooooooo school starts tomorrow! Nooooo way! Grr, I'm so not ready! HELPPPPPPPPPPP?

Bits and pieces

2009-10-11T02:05:00.005+08:00

Dad's side

Webcam with Iris and cousins

Jalan raya with girlfriends Ayn, Nono and Juju with their Macpherson Ite mates

Jalan raya with girlfriends Yaya & Qila with Ej (feat. ex classmates & Mr Zul)

With sis and cousins

You'll never see me cry

2009-10-08T03:12:00.003+08:00

Tell me how am I suppose to breathe, thinking about you all day then having you in my dreams all night? I bloody don't care if anyone thinks I sound pathetic, really. Say all you want, insult, critisize all you want. I bloody don't care. You don't know how it has been for me. You don't know how my 2009 has been, from starting till now, not sure about the rest of the months though. I'm no psychic. Right now, all I want is to turn eighteen badly. I have no idea why, but I just want to get legal quick. I have a wish which I really hope to achieve, no not new clothes/money. What I really want for my eighteenth birthday is my own personal home key. Can I get this? Hopefully. Ah, sidetracked a little I know. Damn boy, you don't know how much I miss you. You might have thought I've moved on just by my actions and looks that day, but you're so wrong. Do congratulate me, I'm a great actress aren't I? Talking and giving you wide smiles like nothing happened eh? No, I'm still the same girl you used to know, who cry every night. You know me, right. Hmm, what about yourself, smiling and talking like nothing had happened too. Fell sick yesterday, temperature was 39degrees. Remember the last time I fell sick? You were there for me, I had you the last time. Now I do not have anyone. Where are you now. I remembered telling you that evening, temperature was 39.5degrees. How long was that? To me, it was like only yesterday. I still have the 'moment' or 'scene' in my mind how it was that night when we bumped into each other. I was actually glad I met you, and how even much glad I was when you actually smiled at me with your ever charming grin, and you did talk to me alot. I was wishing to hug you tight, but I understand you don't even hope to receive it. After parting from you, of course I cried. I cried and cried and cried and I blooody cried. Boy, you'll never see me cry. He tried to cheer me up, yeah so much for trying we ended up in a terrible fight. I wanted to just walked away, he even had the cheek to say this: "You can go if you want to!" What the !@#$, right. He's such a jerk, he's more like a bxtch. He, with his fxcking huge ego, can go fxck off. I hate him, I love you. I just need you badly. Am I asking for too much?

Fxck you!

2009-10-06T00:52:00.001+08:00

I hate you. Please, fxck off from my life.

Is there really no second chance?

2009-10-02T01:00:00.005+08:00

My heart is broken. My heart's torn apart in many little bits and pieces. Why does all this have to happen to me? Am I that jinxed? I'm so hurt right now, I wish I could turn back time and not start everything in the first place. All I've been doing are just crying and crying and more crying. Why can't I ever get happines? Am I really not girlfriend material? Am I destined not to be with any guy? I've been trying my best for this one, but guess luck wasn't on my side as always. I'm not desperate, but I need someone by my side, someone who can support me and understand me. Someone who can be loyal with me, I'm looking for true love and long-term happiness not some short relationship. Obviously it's not easy, but am I really not good enough for anyone? If anyone asks, I'll answer: It's not the duration, it's the contents. Nobody would understand what we went through. I've learnt my lesson, I've learnt many new things, I've learnt the meaning of all this and no they're not good lessons but why am I still not moving on and forget about it? It's so tough, I'm so bloody hurt. I just want you, I need you. I Miss You. Why did I have to bump into you at the wrong place with the wrong company? Why did I have to bump into you when all along I've been having you in my mind? Is heaven punishing and torturing me? I miss you, I got a little glad that we bumped into each other. I wished I could hug you tight, I wish I could talk more with you, I wish I could ask about Us but I was too afraid and shocked to be seeing you. Your smile, I miss. Your laughter, I miss. You, I miss. I miss those times, I still remember them clearly in my mind. Since I befriended you, I never stopped crying. From the beginning, till now still the tears are continuing to drop. I miss you, boy. Why can't you appreciate me?

And to you, fxck off okay? I don't need you. Why should I be thinking of you when I've got myself to think about at this point of time? I'm not being selfish, but if you are matured enough, you would realize that I'm not in my best and I've got lots to think about. So is it wrong that I think about myself now? If not now, when? I'm guessing I've been thinking more for others rather than myself. I've been neglecting myself, when I've gotten into this mess, who's the one who's suffering? You? No! I hate you, you get it? You've been irritating and annoying me with your irritating and annoying antics and you had the cheek to boast your ego and attitude to me? Tried to give me a lecture? Fxck you! You should already know that you are messing with the wrong girl. From the start, I've shown you my true colours. You thought I was pretending all along? And oh, stop it with you blogging about me. Why so sensitive? What's up with showing your anger towards me in your blog? Act your gender, mister! Fxck ah, kau dah malas kan? Aku pun! Aku dah siang-siang malas! Sekarang baru kau tau sape Diana, sekarang baru nak menyesal? Cb

Ah fxck, what have I been blabbering about? Cb, I don't need a boyfriend. I'm better off without any. I can be both a guy and girl at the same time. I've been so used to not having a boyfriend, I'll be okay this time. I guess...
I MISS YOU ALOT, I HATE IT THAT WE BUMPED INTO EACH OTHER, ME BEING WITH THE WRONG COMPANY! AHHHH I'M GLAD YOU SMILED AT ME SO CHARMINGLY LIKE THE WAY YOU USED TO, I'M GLAD YOU TALKED TO ME, I'M GLAD YOU WERE THERE. I STILL LOVE YOU. I'M MISSING YOU SO BADLY. I NEED YOU. I MISS YOU, I MISS OUR TIMES. I miss the 16th of August, I miss 25th of August. I miss everything about you. I miss your kisses, I miss your sweetness. I miss you being care and concern for me. I NEED YOU.

I miss you, Mohammed Shafiq bin Mohammed Sultan!

Thankful and grateful

2009-09-26T01:55:00.015+08:00

Thank you. Eventhough how challenging/heartbreaking this job is, I enjoyed every second of it. You both are the ones who've always put a smile on this face. Thank you for being with me for two straight days, and thank you for past outings. Thank you Shafia Iris for spending that afternoon at Ikea with me. Thank you Shamylla Yasmine for spending that same night with me at Expo. Welcome the new nephew, Shaheen. Aww, you adorable little baby. I apologize if you find it irritating that I always look at you with awe, talk to you and smile at you. Hehe, you will learn to love me oke? Hehe love you

Bibik Nana: I love you, you love me?
Kakak: Yes (with much semangat nodding her head)
Bibik Nana: How much?
Kakak: *with semangat bringing out her fingers* 3 dollars!
(when she's supposed to say, "very much")

Sacarsm was what she learnt today

2009-09-26T01:04:00.028+08:00

It's a wonder how it's still this tough to fall asleep. It's so tough to go through the day thinking and reminiscing about those times and imagining how it would be like if things were good and how it would bring happiness and joy in at least someone's life. It's easy to put on a mask and try as hard to criticise about what happened, but no one knows how painful it is deep inside. Appearing cheerful and laughing throughout dinner, how genuine it may seem. Literally feeling as though the heart has been breaking into many bits and pieces. Hating how what did happened left such a big and long impact. Sympathy not needed here not being emotional, just expressing feelings. If only remembering was an option. If only remembering would lead to being there. If only someone would listen. If only God gives an answer. 'Moving on' is not motivating enough it seems. 'Get a life' neither. How about 'Wake up'? How very much thankful it is that the week has been horrendous. Someone is a changed person. Not that obvious, but it may get even drastic. This 'common', 'fun' and 'casual' topic is nowhere near interesting anymore, try starting it. Life just gets worst, doesn't it? No, nobody's challenging The Above

Happy now!?

2009-09-25T01:41:00.004+08:00

I'm a heartbreaker
How'd you like me now?

Sick and tired of putting on a facade; sick and tired of wearing and changing masks each day; sick of bearing with how life has been going on; Sick of thinking and guessing when are all these going to end...When will happiness and good luck ever come by?
You can shut the hell up because you seriously do not know anything, so don't assume anything such as thinking she's seeking sympathy, like hell no you're wrong darling. So is it alright if you just lay back and stop landing your butt into others' business? Thank you for the cooperation.
It's only halfway through the year yet I'm begging for it to end quickly. Birthday please come fast, will you? I can't stand it anymore. Fxck life.
Learnt from bestfriend: "If the heart is the strongest organ in the body, why does it break so easily?"

You don't have to understand today's post, just accept it that I have since changed alright?

Misses & Kisses

2009-09-22T23:53:00.008+08:00

"Look up in the sky, it's a bird, it's a plane.
No, baby girl that's a shooting star with your name.
I ain't gon lie.
I told a lot of lies and played a lot of games.
But with you it's not the same, for you I'm a ride.
I want you by my side."

Remember this?

It's such a surprise how up till now you're still on her mind when you don't even remember who she is? Why bother? Why is it that hard to move on? Did she ask for too much from you? She just hope God grant her happiness and love from someone, is it that hard? True happiness is what she's been searching for. But, she can never get that... can she? How long are you going to feel like this, how long are you going to be like this, how long are you going to act like this. Aren't you sick and tired of putting a facade, wearing different masks each and everyday?

Bye Ramadan, Hello Syawal

2009-09-19T20:07:00.013+08:00

There goes Ramadan, here comes Syawal. Hmm, how's my preparation? Feelings? Excited? Yes?
Not really. I mean, I've got my 4 suits of baju rayas, shoes and accessories (my dad will faint if he knows how many I've bought) and paint my nails. There's a few types of kuih-muihs Mum made, but surprisingly (or sadly), none of them were the same as years before. The house? Frankly, not welcoming raya. Don't ask. I've yet to make up my mind on which baju to wear, which accessories to wear, what bag to bring... great. I've yet to decide what eyeshadow to wear, how do I do my hair and I don't know what else. I'm not even well prepared which clearly shows, I'm not excited for it. Been receiving wishes from my friends, some were sweet, especially the ones exchanged between bestfriend and me :)

Ayys' last sentence made me giggle a bit: Take care my tall sexy babe!*kiss*
Hahaha! Cute ah kau!

My other lovely friends, who don't receive text message from me, don't be pissed okay? So, I'll type it out here... from scratch.

Sempena Syawal yang akan tiba ini

, Dee disini ingin menyusun 10 jari, memohon ampun dan maaf jika ada salah dan silap, terkasar bahasa, termaki ataupun gurau senda Dee yang mungkin menyakitkan perasaan awak, (I'm guessing I've done all these, well I've not been a good girl, RIGHT? Don't deny, people! :D) Halalkanlah makan dan minum Dee, okay? I look forward to meeting you people this Raya. My bestfriend, girlfriends, ex-schoolmates, the Wondergirls clique, my current classmates and anyone who knows me and I know you. I miss you all. Insyallah jumpa nanti.

Sigh, sorry ah, melayu pecah siak!

P/s: It's not how long your wishes are, it's the thought that counts okay? I forgive you all, really.

So what?

2009-09-18T16:00:00.001+08:00

I'm sorry I'm a disgrace to you and the family. I'm sorry you have a daughter like me. I'm sorry I'm not like sister or cousins. I'm sorry you had to compare me with many other girls. I'm sorry you gave birth to a daughter like me. I'm sorry you had to father a daughter like me. I'm sorry you're ashamed to have a daughter like me. I'm sorry you have to live under the same roof with me. I'm sorry you have to share a room with me. I'm sorry I'm a disappointment. Oh well whatever it is, accept the fact that I am who I am and I am not like sister/cousins or other girls. Learn to accept and live with it! Enough of the comparisons and learn to be proud of your own production! Ah, FML...

I went against the grain.. .

2009-09-17T02:22:00.015+08:00

I just hate it. Benci benci benciiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

I just hate the fact that I know the fact. I hate the fact that at the first hour of the day, I can't help but shed some tears and I hate the fact that at the last hour of the day, I would think about you and those times. I hate the fact that I wanna say I hate you, but I just couldn't make myself say it. Fxck, also, I hate it that I know the fact by myself and I hate it that I realized that I've been the dumb one all along. Now I'm guessing it's not wrong for me to ask this all along: "What did you take me for?" I hate the fact that as much as I wanna be frustrated at you, I can't. Why not? I hate it that I don't wanna say that I miss you, but fxck, I actually do. Seriously, nobody knows what we've been through. The short, terrible "thing" we had, nobody knows what it's all about. Surprisingly, it was full of give/take, followed by huge egos and then guess we ended up not able to bear with each other. This short "thing" actually holds alot of interesting yet heartbreaking contents, you don't wanna know. It really breaks my heart recalling those times. Why did things had to go this terrible. Sigh. Fxck.

Girl, please wake up. Snap back to reality, will you? Move on, bxtch. Yesterday was the 16th.
What happened the month before at 0616hours?

Talking just turn into screaming

2009-09-14T00:35:00.003+08:00

It's past midnight, yet I don't feel a bit sleepy. I just felt like storytelling, somewhere, somehow... here. Well I'm never good at once upon a times, but we'll see where my fingertips bring me. It's been fifteen days since I last fasted. Hopefully I can start fasting anytime soon, like today or tomorrow hopefully. Yes, I miss fasting. So far, I've a total of 4 suits for raya. Just bought heels (yes, your eyes are not playing tricks on you) yesterday. I can't believe it myself that, I, Diana is gonna wear heels! Ah, bury it. I've bought new accessories too. *shakes butt* Was a little disappointed that I couldn't get a new compact powder, but mum got herself a new one, new lipsticks and new brown smokey eyeshadow. It's alrrrrright, mum. Be ready, for Imma use yours! Sheesh. In a blink of an eye, this is the last week of the fasting month? How fast it that!

You and Me, we've been having terrible mornings and late nights due to the same reasons. How surprising we've been hit this hard at this period of time. Thanks for understanding, sorry for keeping things/lying. I'm sure as much as you want to feel sorry for me, I'm sure a little part of you is frustrated at me. Yes? I'm sorry once again. I've promised myself and you that I'm not gonna **** myself and giving myself a ****** anymore and if I decided to, I'll at least tell someone. Like what you advised me before, 'nanti sendiri binasa'. I agree, and I regretted so much. Oh well, I will learn my lesson. Thanks for being there for me, really. I've never expected you to be, I was at my losing end that point of time. Love you

No doubt I miss you alot. But thanks for everything, once again. I've learnt alot from you. Guess I'm the dumb one all along...

A: Stop all the shxt okay bye!
B: What the fxck did I fxcking do to you?
A: Put this way okay, you stop calling/smsing me and just think that I don't exist anymore. Okay okay enough bye!
Where did I go wrong?

Down

2009-09-13T23:45:00.001+08:00

Is there any hope? Will she ever be happy again?

Hihiihiii

2009-09-13T22:40:00.006+08:00

Oh hiiii I'm backkkkk, not. I've publicized my blog back again. DON'T BOTHER LOOKING FOR THE ARCHIVES SECTION. Too bad, there's no such section. DON'T BE A BUSYBODY K BYE. Will be back with a proper update when there's a chance.

Things change, people change...

2009-09-13T22:12:00.008+08:00

If only...

"We stop here..."

2009-09-11T00:42:00.006+08:00

Upon banging the steel gate behind her, she's started to feel something was gonna go wrong. She did what she usually do which is inform you that she's out and where she's heading to. At the train station, as she waited for the train... you gave a reply. There she was, surprised by the reply she received from you. She got so confused. She didn't expect the waterworks would start. She tried to end it, but it flows like there's no tomorrow. As the train arrives, she looked downwards as she couldn't find a way to hide those tears. She didn't know what to do, she sat there - unknowing that the train has arrived. She just couldn't endure with it. It hurt her.. . bad. She wasn't so strong to reply you at that point of time but she had wished she could ask you just a simple 'why'. She was all alone, she realized that she needs this alone time. She understands that she cannot depend on others always, she got herself in this mess, she's got to bring herself out of it by herself. Boarding the next incoming train was a major decision to make. She board it. Sitting down, thinking about what you just said.. .made her weep more. Yes she got embarrassed when people started taking glances at her. She looked at herself in the reflection of the windows: "looking terrible there"... red/swollen eyes, no makeup on, hair in a mess as she didn't bother combing... she just looked... downright ugly. Meeting her bestfriend whom she hid the story from, made her even more embarrassed eventhough it's her bestfriend. She didn't know, she couldn't think properly aftermath. It just pains her, storytelling her bestfriend from A-Z. For sure her bestfriend didn't expect all these, as much as her bestfriend wants to feel sorry for her, no doubt her bestfriend will be pissed about knowing she kept all these from her, eventhough they're close. She managed to control her tears while storytelling her bestfriend, instead she got angry learning with what she herself's been speaking about. She's so upset, she wished she could do something. But it seems she has no say in these. She just got to accept fate. She's not risking and wasting her life on topic like these anymore; complete waste of time. She's gonna change or she's gonna still be who she's always been since forever. Enough of giving herself a chance, now she herself is the one that's suffering. Enough shitzzz as what you wanted, right? Alright then, as you say.
Goodbye, ~~boyfriend~~
For sure you're happier now
Don't bother remembering her anymore
Fxck you, unappreciative boy

Accumulation of the days

2009-09-09T00:49:00.005+08:00

I may wait, still be waiting, but I will not wait forever

Quite a series of events have happened in my life for the past weeks, no, it's not ending. Well, it might get better, some may get worst. Who knows what the future might hold? I've been ever patient, grown stronger, go insane one night, cry every night. I am tired. Thankfully the exams are over, which means no school for a month. Off to spend my holidays releasing my so-called stress, scream loud from the bottom of my lungs, meet up people whom I miss alot, wake up as late as I want to, stay out late, go shopping till my legs wear out. Damn I sound as though I'm so busy I haven't done all that yet. I WAS BUSY; cus of school, which I detest much. It just tires me out. Now let's put Institute of (Torture) Edu. aside.

I miss you. I hate it that we turned out like this. I hate what happened right after your card has balances. Wonder who did that for you. I turned berserk on that night, why? Cus I couldn't accept the fact on your excuses/reasons for wanting that. It just broke my heart hearing what you wanted. Have you spared a thought for me? It pains me hearing all your unnecessary sarcasms and insults towards me. I'm sorry I had to fight back. We didn't use to be like this, You didn't use to be like this. Why are you so different now? Where's the person I used to know? The adorable and sweet person? Where is that person? I want that person, I don't want the new one. (Imagine me shouting all that crap at midnight while crying) Ah fxck it, I'm not seeking sympathy here. I just missed those times, those sweet times, not like right now. It's all so different now, suddenly. I had a hard time catching up, thinking 'what happened?'. I just wish you could appreciate me. I miss you

It's the fasting month, and sadly I've not fasted for already 9 days and counting. How disappointing is that? Well, at least I am. Raya's in, say, a week's time? No? That fast? I'm not even prepared, yet. Home's not welcoming raya too it seems. I've just bought 2 bajus only, I need more. Soon. Shoes? Ha-ha, used the money given for something else you don't want to know :P I've to top-up on my make ups, buy my shoes, buy more bajus, buy accessories, do my hair(!!), do my eyebrows (!!), buy raya bag etc. Money, money, I need money! Who wants to accompany me to get all these done? Yaya's irritated with me saying, "Aku nak make sure this year raya aku lawa, sebab last year aku tak. The year before pun aku tak." Heh, that's me. Talking bout Yaya, I miss her, Qila, Kak Aisha ALOT! Sigh, friendship since 2006 still going on alright :)

Just received a text message from you. You wanted to ask me something. This scares me, I get nervous and anxious each time you say things like that. Heart's beating as fast as a jungle drum. ... Gosh, he met with an accident(!!!!!!!)
Dear, are you alright? See lah, you never even tell me you borrowed your friend's motor! Hope you're not badly hurt. Now your friend's asking money from you cus the motor's spoilt. If only I've money, dear. If only. Seriously. Hope you're okay, I'm so worried right now =/ Haiya, stress uh!

Damnit, I'm typing in paragraphs and I HATE IT! If only I could write like this long in compositions. Yeah sure whatever. Okay meeting the WonderGirls this afternoon, can't wait! DEAR, I'M SORRY I can't be there for you :'( Fxcklah, if only I'm 18 and I've got my own keys, I will come down and help you! Am I terrible or what???

What now?

2009-09-07T19:10:00.001+08:00

Am I just faking every laughter and smile? I'm so confused, yet again. Guess I just turn soft and weak when I hear your laughter, which 1) I don't know whether it's genuine 2) I miss alot

Shooting star no more.. .

2009-09-04T15:46:00.020+08:00

What just happened. What did happen. Can someone repeat and make me understand what already happened. I don't know how to express my feelings right now. I don't even know what feelings should I potray. Am I upset? Am I angry? Who do I even have to turn to now. Never had this happened before. Why did this had to happen. Is it my fault. Isn't that another way of telling you want to get all this done and over with? Why can't you just make it clear, rather than making me suffer more. If you had speak your mind, be clearer, yes I would suffer terribly but wouldn't that be better than doing it slowly? I can smile and laugh no more. Eyes are as swollen as an egg. What more can I do now. Thank you for everything, you've made me learn so much and I strongly believe that we can be much better, not as why you claimed we can't. I can't disagree no more. Decision's final, right. All this while, eventhough I'm true to you, sadly you still believe your wrong beliefs of me. I cannot accept your reasons for this "______". But I can't do nothing here. I can't believe you would do this. How could you. I don't think I've been asking alot in this ____, I think I've been patient enough. If only you would realize. Yes, I know your reasons for wanting this _____, and yes I'm sorry that I'M A TERRIBLE ___ who can't be there for you and help you in them. Wait. Who am I to you? Who have I always been in your mind and your heart? I clearly understand why you've been pinpointing me when actually you're the one that has the guilty conscious. I don't blame you, I'll NEVER blame you. You said I don't deserve you? I don't care, get me? I still don't get it why because of your ____, you want to get me off? Doesn't mean you have ____, you have to get me off. It's the same as getting rid of me, isn't it? I don't get it why you still can't be honest here. It's like as though you just know me yesterday or the day before. I can't take all this, it's really taking over me. I can't think anymore, all I've been doing is just cursing and swearing. Why do I even bother posting entries relating to you? I can't understand why, what you've been saying is as though all of this is entirely my fault. Haven't you saddened me enough? Haven't you made me suffer enough? I'm sorry but I'm not complaining. I miss you alot, but why, why when I got my happiness back, it just goes down the drain? Can't I be happy?

---

I'm so upset. I don't get it why you just wanna get rid of me. Why can't you just speak your mind and tell me you hate me already. Why can't you just be true and tell me you don't need and want me anymore. You're different now. It pains me hearing all the sarcasms and all the sentences that are ohso harsh. My heart has been breaking into many small pieces each time you talk like that. My heart has been aching non stop. I love you, boy. What more do you want from me? Oh wait, you don't even want me. But I thank you for everything. I know there's not gonna be an "Us" anymore it seems, right. Isn't this the end of us? Tell me!!!!! Fxck, but I love you still. Fxck fxck fxck, life stinks. I APOLOGIZE FOR BEING THE MOST TERRIBLE GIRLFRIEND EVER
Still _____ you, ~~boyfriend~~

Midnight tears

2009-09-01T22:33:00.024+08:00

Been spending my days with these 2 girls, met them on Friday, Saturday and Tuesday. Those 3 days have been about helping each other out, right girls? Didn't realize that, huh? Exactly. You don't know how much I miss them. We've known each other for already 7 years. We've been watching each other grow and change. When we were 11, Mel was only say, 6 years old? I still remember those times clearly. Great times!
Surprised to see me sharing photos of myself? Beats me. I'm guessing it must be the boredom, no? All the photos in this post, I did not put on make up. Didn't expect us to capture many photos even though we were only around the neighbourhood. Hah, pardon me for the just-woke-up look. Long John Silver's with them was awesome, right babes? Sayang korang, mwah! Hehehe!

---
It's great to be able to feel your presence now. I'm missing you too much. No one would understand how we are trying to survive in this mess. It's so painful for me, and yes, for you too. My tears are never ending falling from its bags. My heart continues to ache. I know at times, I'm guessing I don't think before I act/say. I'm trying hard to change for the sake of this ____. I hope you're doing likewise too. I still have my doubts about all these that's happening. The sudden ones are surprising me too much, making me all confused still. I hope things get better for __. I apologize if I'm a terrible __. Each night I pray for the best for __, I hope you still do so too like you've always had. I'll let nature takes its course, and still do my best being the best __ one can ever be.
xxx,
your __

Drift

2009-08-31T01:54:00.007+08:00

Am I too much? Tell me, am I? Is it wrong that I'm doing all these? Why can't you understand? Please, put yourself in my shoes. Wouldn't you do the same? You are smart enough to know that things are not going on well, but why are you keeping lull about it? Why aren't you doing anything to improve things, but well blame me when I get over-rated in my actions? Where are you now when I need you? I feel as though I'm clapping on one hand. Do you care? I don't get what you're putting me into. I've been patient, I'm never like this. I used to give up easily, but this time I'm sorry I'm trying my best to get what I want. I don't care, I've got my reasons. Why are you pouring all these to me? What's your main aim? You're leaving me all confused. Each day, I wait, waited, and still waiting but I don't hear news from you. Suddenly, you came back. I was very much excited to be able to feel your presence, but you pulled the feelings down. Why am I at fault now? Why can't you understand? What do you take me for now? If only you would realized that the only reason I'm acting this way and I'm doing all these is just because, I miss you a hell lot. I just want things to be how it used to be. Is that too much to ask for? Or wait, am I being demanding? I miss you, so very much

She told him, "I miss those times where we would laugh, and even cry. I'm different now. Where's the person who always make that happen?"

Lost

2009-08-27T22:11:00.006+08:00

Not hearing from you worries me

Where're you when I need you most?

I've started having negative thoughts about this situation you're putting me into

They say I'm paranoid, I need to know what you think
Tell me about it, is it wrong to miss someone this much?

Where are you, I miss you

P/s: Don't pretend you know things when infact you know nothing

Shallow

2009-08-23T15:16:00.006+08:00

Each day I'm drowning so deep, Each minute the emotions would tremendously change, Each second I could feel my heart jump and skipping beats. The heart grows fonder... each moment.

Yes, I've been busy. I've missed blogging, facebook and anything relating to the cyber world. I've different now, no doubt. Countless events and mishaps have had happened, be it great or terrible. I've been M.I.A from here, even from some people. Forgive me, please. I'm trying my best to give time and to make up, hope things will improve. Exams are around the corner, I've to really give time for school and myself to study and revise. I need to get back to reality.

This week would be a busy one for me...
WATCH THIS SPACE. Not.

*sings*
I love just who you are, I ain't gon try to change ya
You are a shooting star, that's why you are my favorite

Mixed emotions

2009-08-16T21:19:00.001+08:00

Change - what everyone go through in his/her lives, each and everyday. But what do we really know about change? Do we like change?
Sure, there's pros and cons to Change which depends on the individual. Enough said, what's up with me with change? Go figure

I may not be an awesome _____, but I promise you I'll try my best to be one. Please, give me ____ to adapt to this rush. I admit I'm still at the back of the line, catching up. It's no game, yet I'm afraid of losing. Will you guide me through?
I ____ you, ____

Wonders

2009-08-02T20:14:00.006+08:00

With just a blink of an eye the weekend is coming to an end. All the fun you had, say on that Saturday, will just be kept as memory. Oh well, as they say: All Good things come to an end. Despite moving on, that Saturday where you had fun will still linger in your mind and put a smile on your face with each day passing by when you think of it. That's why they say, whenever you are feeling down, think about happy moments you experienced, then you'll feel much better. Isn't that true? No? Well yes, it's easier said than done. But isn't this what almost everyone does? Does this applies to me? That's for me to know, and for you to find out

Blogger's being an A-hole. Can't upload photos, urgh! Despite trying on all web browsers I have, Safari, Chrome, Mozilla Firefox, I still can't! Except that Chrome has everything compact, but the uploading process is never ending. Oh well, photobucket shall assist me

More than I could ever ask for
xxx

^{P/s: I swear I'm not liking things as it is}

I miss Bestfriend

2009-07-27T20:01:00.004+08:00

What's up with blogger these days? Can't upload photos and videos? Thankfully I'm html-inclined. Tsk. School was alright, as usual, the laughters, exhaustion, study and more study. Felt sick after eating during break. Felt better after washroom trip. I don't know what to type anymore, bleargh. Yes, I'm super fickle, changed my background and colour theme. I'm never satisfied. Haha! I've been like this since I started blogging and making my own layouts many years back, where whenever I change a layout, a day/two days later I'll edit it. Get my drift? Headed to visit Iris after school, just what I needed. Babysitting! :D Nurul came over too. Did I tell you the weather was weird today? While having OFA, I left the lab as I was feeling sick. Didn't know the weather was awesome. It was raining heavily, accompanied by strong winds. (Terhuyung-hayang aku dibuatnya. Cey, bedek uh. Exaggeratelah sangat!) When I reach Wak Nor's place, it started to rain heavily with strong winds again. Super great weather. I got a little irritated during PAC, got frustrated as I can do bank reconciliation statement, which I've learnt years ago. How sad! Saiful irritate me, got a little pissed. Didn't know there's BZE today, thankfully it was kinda relax. Thankfully he didn't give any works as I didn't bring along my book.

After typing all these, it got me thinking... Do anyone even visit my blog and read through my entries, get to know about my days? Hahahaha! Oh well, I don't mind talking to myself. Really :) And if someone do, please tell me if my entries bore you? How's my layout? Should I change? I feel like changing, again. Hahaha! Shut up, funny how I'm laughing to myself here. Kay bye... anyone?

(How are you? Hope you're doing alright out there.)

I'm unreasonable? demanding? PATHETIC!

2009-07-23T02:14:00.003+08:00

Days are getting tougher, challenges are increasing. Never have I imagined I would go through this with you. I apologize, I'm unprepared to see this change. My heart felt as though, crushed with every reply I viewed. I really hate that part. It hurts me so bad, but I shouldn't be selfish here. For your happiness, I'll grant anything be it without me. Yes, I'm pathetic, crying is all I do. Why do I bother? Cus you're one of my loved ones. One by one, you are all leaving me? No? For sure, the sentence before will be receiving many different responses. "Stop being unreasonable", "Maybe it's just you", "Maybe they have their reasons", "Omg so emotional!" But for sure, dee-hottopic@blogger is where I pour out my feelings. Sadly. School is getting more and more like a torture institute to me. I dread going there these days. My mind's always on something else - Us. Not feeling hungry, not having the mood to do anything. Just stare onto blank space, ending up weeping. Yes, maybe throughout the years I've grown stronger, but sadly, this has got me weak again. I cannot accept the fact, I'm sorry

Unforgiving

2009-07-22T00:15:00.001+08:00

Curry Maggi at 11.53 p.m. Tell me, how am I possibly to fall asleep easily? I am so upset, I don't feel like doing anything other than to cry. Can someone kill me now? Maybe I'm better off dead, rather than seeing Us this way. We're never caught in this kind of situation, why now? Why so sudden? I wanna die now, now, now, now. At 12 a.m now! You don't need me anymore. I can't live like this.
Why? Why Why? Why now? I just need you to be frank with me, is that not okay? Why? I wanna know why. I just wanna why. I might understand. I don't like how things are going now. I don't like how we are speaking to each other. It is not... Us. I don't like it when you give other excuses, when the real thing is just Me.
I know I've hurt you badly. No chances for me? Even when I'm very apologetic? No?
Why am I not surprised... Is this my next heartbreak?

Updated:
Tell me how am I gonna fall asleep? Why is it because of this I'm crying like a pathetic girl? Because you are my pillar of strength. What am I without you?

TEARS OF SADNESS

2009-07-21T22:59:00.002+08:00

Sigh. I don't know what am I without you? Is this mistake that huge? Yes, of course it is. I am super super super super sorry. I know sorry is not gonna change anything anymore. What happened to Us? It happened so fast, I am left behind wondering what actually happened. Yes, my fault. And I'm sorry. I hate when things go this way. What is happening. Yes, I guess it's because of me that you've changed. But you're never like this. Why is it because of what I did? I'm so confused right now. I hate when you become all silent. You've always been my pillar of strength. I know you're hurt because of me, but I am hurt too by your painful phrases. I'm not selfish, I'll NEVER blame you. Never. I'm blaming myself, like I always have. I am super super sad right now. You're leaving me? Suddenly, without any notice. Why why why?! :'( WHAT AM I WITHOUT YOU

I hate this part right here

2009-07-21T04:06:00.005+08:00

I'm already drained out, even though it's just past Monday. I'm hating Monday a lot as it's one of those days whereby I start school super early and end super late. It just tiring, you see. We might be active during the first few hours, but after that, you could see one by one falling asleep during lessons, like me. Not proud! Couldn't control my eyes and fell asleep during accounting, and was shocked that quite a number of people fell asleep too. Headed to the washroom to freshen ourselves up, and aftermath, we were really fresh. We didn't feel sleepy anymore. (It works!?) 3.53 am now, just finished up the new layout. It's nowhere near perfect, I know. Well, I got bored of the one before. My mood is terrible these days, due to period. It's the 4th day today. Oh and I can't wait for fasting month! *shakes butt* I'm ecstatic! Since I couldn't fast for a whole month last year, I want to do so this year. I shouldn't have fell ill at that time! Tsk. Ahh, it's over though. I shouldn't ponder over the past.

^Bestfriend, I'm sorry. I am terrible I know. I feel very very bad. I can't stop blaming myself upon seeing you like this. I know this is entirely my fault. If it's not because of my selfishness. Please, give me a chance? I know you may say you forgive me, but deep inside I know it is hard to, right? Remember the quote we saw and we agreed? "It is easy to forgive an enemy but hard to forgive a friend". Remember that? I'm guessing that's what you're abiding by now. I miss you, a hell lot. We're drifting apart... and I hate that fact. I miss you. I really do... sigh you know you're my pillar of strength. What am I without you? I need you. Don't you need me? Not anymore after the incident? Well I hope not. Cus I want to be there for you for more times when you need someone. Can it still be me? :'(

Random in the wee hours

2009-07-13T03:03:00.003+08:00

I'm finally attached. I love you, baby *kiss*

Goodness, check out the time. School starts at 8am later. My day sucked pretty bad. Wasn't really in a good mood the whole day but it gets awesomer at midnight. We played Guess the Sketch together, talk crap and all. How romantic, Ahh! Hahah! Baby, later how to wake up? Sigh, go sleeplah. You uh, chat with some guys behind my back, sampai hati. Hahahahah! See you in a few hours' time

xoxo

random

2009-07-12T23:13:00.004+08:00

(Eleh, act cute plak Diana)

(Amcm geng?! ^o))

(Yes, that's a cat)

Please don't care the filenames by Hawa!
Funny how we are not in the mood at the same time.
Remedy? Us, together

xoxo

What the hell is wrong with you? Don't you get what I'm trying to convey? I am so confused right now, can't I get a good answer? Is it wrong to clarify my doubts? Tell me, is it? I know you're annoyed and irritated with me right now, but have you spared a thought for me? What do you take me for?

!@#$%^

2009-07-09T23:34:00.010+08:00

I is need u badly. I is stressed out. I is crying.

I feeling is giving up. I is terrible :'(((((((((((

I is feeling want to run away far far.

I is feeling like crap. I is thinking I is dumb.

I is dumb. I is dumb

I NEED YOU, BADLY. NOW

What next?

2009-07-09T21:36:00.022+08:00

(I know I look ugly in uniform)

It's already the weekends in 3 hours' time. Well, usually when the week ends, I'll hate it. But now, I can't wait for it. I don't know why, maybe cus I'm really exhausted because of school. It's draining me out. Well, the week was alright. It's been a wet week it seems. And it's awesome. I need a buddy tomorrow. Hope bestfriend could accompany me to collect it since Sam can't. Pfft. Heh. Damn. I swear I have no idea what to blog about. I've yet to start on BZE case study like what the others are doing. Someone pleaseeee, force her to do! I DON'T CARE if teacher's reading this. In your face! Oops :P I've been a terrible student this week, falling asleep in almost every lesson, every day. But oh, I've got someone to company me everyday though, aside from classmates. I've been told to blog about it. Yeah, sureeeeeeeeeee. I hate having handphone already, I've been texting/calling. Hahahaha! Lazy much! Well, he's nice enough to text me in school eventhough I know he's busy in class. Naughty, don't know how to study or what!

Tomorrow there's no dance since it's suspended. Yay. Ahh, I don't know what to blog about already. Sorry uh, Sam. I've to sooo start on case study like... now. I miss bestfriend :(

The beginning of a new term

2009-07-07T00:00:00.004+08:00

(Fat muchhhhhh?!)

The new term has officially started.

So much for planning to finish up all assignments around the first week of holidays. I procrastinate- alot and it's terrible. I took the quiz "How Much Do You Procrastinate?" on Facebook:

...

So moving on, I actually thought of doing them last Saturday, which was 2 days before school starts, but no, I did not. Instead, I went out with family and we caught a movie, went shopping, well you name it. Haha! First part of the day I was very very very very cranky. Everything just didn't go my way. Enough of myself. Had lunch before the movie. While eating, I actually saw Kak Mas & Abg Khai! So, we called them. Guess what, they were watching Transformers 2 too! At the same time! Coincident much? Wait till you hear the next part. So, we queued for popcorns. Best part, we checked: our seats were beside one another! They actually booked the day before, while my family asked for tickets from Aunt like at that very morning. Ha! We planned to share popcorns/nachos. Movie was alright, okay aaawwwesome. I think comparing between the experience I had watching the 1st and 2nd, I would certainly take the 1st one. The first one made me go "wooooooooooooooooooow" throughout the movie. As for the 2nd one, hmm, well it was predictable, kinda. That's my opinion :) Yes, I missed those people I caught Transformers 1 with. Cika, Qeelia, Mayasarah, Zully, Aishah and Ydee. Sorry if I have the wrong spellings. Those were the times. Fun, fun times

I made it a point that on Saturday would be all about having fun whereas the next day, Sunday, I would start and end all my untouched assignments. After day out with family, Mum and me slept late. We watched Hindustan DVD, I love the movie alot! After which, I tried to get to sleep, but I couldn't. That was around 2-3am, so I decided to do my BZE assignments. Managed to do alot in about an hour. Was proud of myself for once *grins* Told mum to wake me up at around 8am, as I wanted to finish up all assignments. But, I couldn't wake up. So, I woke up at around 5pm and started doing the leftovers. In about an hour, I'm done :D Suka sekaliiiii!

Omg, I'm typing in paragraphs. I hate it. Ha! I wonder why I can't write this long in compositions, but typing blog entries, I can fill as much as possible. Weird much. First day of school had to start with me not having enough sleep, or infact, no sleep at all. Dumb, right. I know. Alarm was at 6.20am, but of course, who don't know Diana, won't wake up straight. So, I had to go back to sleep and got woken up by Jannah's call at 7.20am. Awesome much? School started at 8am, for goodness sake. Rushed, yes. Hair was all wet when I left home. My face looked like zombie, my walk was like zombie, I can star on L4D I guess. Err, not. It was about 3minutes to 8 when I reached Bishan. Called Saiful and thankfully he was reaching school, so met him at bustop and walked to school together. Monitor-monitress star karats! Had to check temperature at the foyer. Got to know that school has a case. Gosh. Hmm, my day? Three words: Sleepy, tired, naps. I kept falling asleep, and my 'dear' classmates around me had to wake me up from my needed sleep. Haha! Every lesson! Well, thank you :D Upon reaching home, had lunch and fell asleep about 3 hours plus when Bestfriend called. Aww. Ha!

Okay bye, tomorrow starts at 12pm and Wednesday there's BZE test. Sigh

sooooon

2009-07-04T00:01:00.003+08:00

2 more days *cries*

Updated, yet New.

2009-06-28T06:42:00.003+08:00

... and I'm done with the new(okay, updated) layout at 0643hours. Added a header(which I look fat in the photo cus of those super fat cheeks!), so readers would feel welcome. Added more of My whereabouts @ Facebook, friendster and Lj. Pardon me if the song irritates you and you can't pause/stop it. Well, hopefully you do enjoy the song too. The best part, photo links. Sorry people I 'stole' your photos from Facebook. Scold me if you must. Sorry once again. Just click on the photo of the person's blog you wish to view. That easy. I took some time editing the layout. Gosh, I need some sleep man. It's already morning, rise and shine, go to school time, go to work, but I'm still here- awake. School holidays end the week after and I've gotta stop this habit of having late nights. Terrible. Oh and btw, talking about school, Assignments! I soo have to start on it soon. I am not lazy, I just don't wanna do them. Ha! No, what I meant was, not do them now but soon. Okay I so need to sleep, and for sure I'm waking up super late in the late afternoon, so those who're calling me in the morning: FORGET IT. You won't get me. Kay bye

History and now

2009-06-28T01:14:00.010+08:00

A week more, and torture period is back, back to torture institute, tell me about it.
I'm listening to old songs, meaning, songs of the 90s and millennium eras.

Some are still on top of my list. Well, mostly are super super emotional songs. Oh well, those were the times when I miss the ex boyfriend, no, obviously not the recent one. The one whom I misses up till now. The one that changed throughout the years. The one whom I kept bumping into every year after all these years. Be it outside, on social networks like friendster, tagged (I do not have tagged!), we'd still manage to see each other. Yes, I do miss him. To those who knows when we were together and how long I've been missing him, yes, I sound like a pathetic, no-life little girl no doubt. I miss him. Funny how even though we've broke up many many many years ago, we'd still see each other. How easy it is to find each other's profile each year. Weird. Ah, enough bout him. I still miss him, yes?

I'm so enjoying the holidays that I didn't even think about school, touch on school assignments... yet! Damn. I have better start on it sooner or later else I'm gonna die. Literally. I do not miss school. Let me repeat, I do not miss school. I guess school is better off without me. What crap did I just typed? Oh well.
^{I do not know why. Despite countless failed attempts, I still continue my journey. Alot of humiliations, rejections, teasers, I still continue. In this, I wonder, why don't I care what others have to say like I usually do? Funny. What's funnier is that I've not given up, it's been a few years and I still am trying.Tough? Very. I have no idea why I am still trying. Do you know why?, no? Maybe I should abort the worthless effort now. Or should I continue trying? Try? 'Try' shouldn't be a suitable action word here.We'll see how it goes. Well, at least I'll see.}

Bringing back the days

2009-06-25T00:28:00.002+08:00

I'm not feeling it. Am I taking the right steps? The right route? I doubt myself, really. What do I hope to get from all this? Do I really want it to end up that way? Yes, no? I don't know. I am unsure. I am confused, really. You surely don't want things to end the way it has always been, right Diana? You know yourself you've gotten hurt quite frequent, why aren't you making a change? Damn you, Diana! Urg, it's no wonder why you go all out cursing yourself. Tsk

Talk about holidays, I'm having a great time. I'm happy I don't have to school. Awesome. Ahh, I've never liked business. Never interested. Wtf I am so sad I was not eligible for ECH, even in ITE. What's more amazing is that, I go to a school that has ECH. Wow, great isn't it? Looking at those on-the-way preschool teachers walking around and all. That hurt me real bad, up till now. I guess, till I end my highernitec course? Constantly putting on a facade each time I put on that uniform. I hate it. I despise BZE, CMB, LSS, TVE, UPP, YEX WHATEVER WHATNOT. I am so not interested oke. You get me? I tak suka! I want to learn about child psychology and all. RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Yes, I should have thought of this months ago. But for people around me, I chose this route which, initially I thought I will learn to like it but guess the thought didn't make reality. Now, I feel like quitting school. Can I please, Mum, Dad, Aunts, Uncles, Grandma... Sis? Fxck. You know what I mean

Hurt by your words

2009-06-22T00:28:00.003+08:00

Tears rolling down my cheeks again, again, and again. At midnight. You hurt me, boy. Your words hurt me. You don't have to go to that extend, you know. Yes, sensitive I am. Yes, emotional I am. It's no surprise. I am so so so so so so fxcking sad right now, I wanna go eat Bye

Weak > Weep

2009-06-21T01:15:00.002+08:00

I don't know why. Just because of this, my night became worthless. I can't make myself fall asleep, I feel like eating maggi. Now. Now. Now. Cook me one, Now! Urg! I am so so so so so fxcking sad. I feel as though I'm the saddest person in the world now

Why am I so weak?

Fxck, Imma have maggi now

Bye

I only asked for 'A' day...

2009-06-20T23:13:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling as though I'm the saddest person in the world right now. I am so frustrated that I couldn't control my emotions. Yeah, call me crybaby whatever. That's the way I am. Yes, continue wondering why is it because of an inhumane being, caused me to be like this. I am weak, yes I am. Guess my emotions took the better of me. I am so so so so so sad, since many many hours ago. Tears are never ending falling of its bags. I am sorry that on this day, I got a little moody and maybe, caused you to be that way too. I am fxcking sad :'(

WHY. WHY WHY, DIANA??????????!! Why let this happen to you! Don't you have any dignity?! Oh wait, or should I propose the question to the other party!? Thanks, for destroying my day, ~~life~~. I only asked for a day, A DAY! Goodness, can't you give me that?! Huh? Listen to yourself, please. You ought to be grateful that I am nice enough to even reply you. Despite the many horrible acts you did to me. Awesome. Where's your dignity, aren't you ashamed!?

I only asked for a day... to be... happy. Can't you give me that, God?

Am I cursed? Gosh

Nothing much

2009-06-18T01:18:00.003+08:00

I am so agitated with myself. Like, I just had my nails painted last Saturday, and know what I did? I bit my nails. Awesome. Now the colours are cacat. Baek Dee! (how Jannah would say) Grr. Enoughlah, Diana! Now, I sound stupid talking to myself. Oh well...

Class outing to Sentosa in about 8 hours' time. Am not sure whether I'm really looking forward to it or not. Still having second thoughts about going. Tsk

Didn't attend dance today as I had doctor's appointment, again. This time, did a lung function procedure. It was funny, well for me. Nevermind

Am just interested to know what kind of games Zie and all planned up. Hopefully they're fun. I hope my mood's alright later. Ha!

Hawa already turned 18. Legal, gosh. She's gonna take up her vehicle license soon. Am excited for her. My turn would be like, many more months to come? Gosh. After CMU procedure, headed home and wrapped her gift and all, met Fana at pondok and then met Hawa. Lepak-ed for a while with Fana then headed home

Hope you like the gift, sorry it wasn't much. Pardon for the super ugly handwriting, was in a hurry. Gee. ILY xoxo. Looking forward to Saturday...

My alarm's at 730, damn it.

Wondering why I've been typing in short paragraphs these days. I hate it. Guess my mind's really blank. Guess this entry is all about updating, it's full of crap I guess. Pardon for boring entries, people. Peace ;)

Camera: Charged!

Mp4: Charging...

BESTFRIEND'S EIGHTEENTH! xoxo

2009-06-16T23:25:00.005+08:00

(Gosh, I used this photo too on your 17th Birthday.)

SAYANG! Omg, you're 18 already? When's my turn! Hmmph. Heh.
May your wishes plus dreams come true in the next following years. One thing I hope from you is that; I hope you'll be happy always. May our friendship last, like it's been going since 7 years ago, more to come alright? I treasure this friendship so so much, you know that right. I wish you a lifetime happiness and success. You know I'm always right behind supporting you in whatever you do.
You know I love you,
xoxo

For I dedicate the song playing just for You,
Sometimes when we fight, I think maybe I
Should just let you leave and push you out of my life
But I don't decide, cause I know that I
Just can't survive without you
And I know inside I never let you go cause I'm sure your the one

And no matter how we fuss and fight girl, you should always know
I just can't stop loving you

To see through the night, you are my light
So even when we fight I know it's going to be alright
You have my soul, I'm just letting you know

Your reply:
I can't pick the call up but... thanks for the msg loves! I love U alot. Serious. I'm so touched. U are one of the greatest gift Allah has anugerahkan for me. Cheers for the friendship. See U this Sat. Thanks alot! :)
...

I'm a happy girl. He's made me smile, She's made me laugh. Ahhh... Awesome.

P/s: I AM FOR SURE, STRAIGHT.

Aww

2009-06-16T00:29:00.008+08:00

Gosh, I can't believe it. You're still the same. And I'm grateful that you're are. I miss you. Sigh. I thought you're gonna change your mindset/the way you talk to me. But, you're still the same. You're such a great person. It's no surprise people fall for you that easy, but not me eh? It took some time, though. I miss you, HAHA. And I'm excited to meet you soon XD o.O

I still remember how I actually kinda ended our friendship over something stupid. I felt dumb at that moment. Now I'm like supposed to feel embarrassed cus I didn't keep my word as what I said at that time, but surprisingly you don't make me feel that way. You made me feel treasured. I miss you, really.

How sweet. Never ever thought he's this nice.

This made me teared.

and he made me smile till 4 in the morning...

Swine Flu song [Parody of Nobody]

2009-06-15T22:51:00.006+08:00

"If you think you're infected, Don't blur cock go Orchard..."
HAHAHAHAHAA!

Saturday morning

2009-06-13T02:42:00.002+08:00

I hope not to be the mediator. For I listen to both sides which in content, contains harsh and negative remarks, it just don't feel right. Talk, and discuss how it's gonna get better. Cus it's just a month and things got these nasty. Enough, remind yourselves how old are you. Mature enough to think, I guess. I don't even know why I even bother to rant about all these. Enough said.

Finally, the day all has been waiting for is here. It's the holidays! *heaves a sigh of relief* Finally, I can stay on my bed for as long as I want, I can bathe as late as I want to, I can smell town, I can smell money, I can see how GSS is coming along, But the most important thing is that: I CAN GO OUT AND GO HOME AT NIGHT, like finally. WOOOO! But first, who wanna go out with me? I want meet ups, hang outs! It's been so long since I last do them. So, any takers? Ha!

On a brighter note, meeting my babygirls later! Heading town first. Like finally! ;D Meeting at 2.30 pm, thinking will I be late? Hahahahahah! (Diana, don't start! =P)

I miss Bestfriend. Alot. Managed to receive a reply from her, saying she's getting ready to go KL later. Gosh. I just started my holiday, thinking I can meet her. But sadly, she's going when I'm free. Sigh. I miss her like alot, okay. Bloody. Haha!

- Edited -

It's 12.19 pm now, am meeting the girls at 2.30, but I'm still here - unbathed. My head is heavy, I sense a headache is coming soon. To think I slept at 5.20 am! Gosh. Habit habit! Duh, it's the holidays, mind you. I was shocked upon starting Saturday morning with the soothing sounds of the rain which hasn't come down for quite some time. Hopefully, it's just a while though.

Gonna go bathe now. Toorah~

Change

2009-05-25T19:39:00.012+08:00

Are u tired? I am tired. To think it's only Monday. Monday blues is defined true, but well I guess my day was alright. Had a long day. Quite a few of us were late for first class. Reached half an hour late, and teacher made us apologize by doing non-verbal actions up front. Yes, it was embarrassing!

Had OFA test before break, managed to finish it quite early. Lunch was alright(!?) PAC's first half was alright, the next half was pure exhausting. First half, teacher was being sucha clown. We kept laughing at her, cus of her mistakes in pronunciations. How cute. The next hour, I was so exhausted, I fell asleep. Heh. Last two hours was BZE, had class test in the first hour. It was alright, but I had two stupid/reckless mistakes in the MCQ section. How dumb, right. So goddamn easy! Grrt. The next hour, class started getting cranky cus we were really exhausted and things couldn't get into our head when teacher was teaching. In the end, he gave up and dismissed us

*AAAACHHIUMMMM* ouch. Throat hurts. Nose itches. How great. Mucus kept flowing down(ew). I don't wanna get flu, NOOOO! Heh

Had a short conversation with bestfriend in Msn. Look at what we talked about. Click for better view

Both complaining about each other's well-being. Eventhough both are from different type of institution, school and courses, we know how each other feels. U're not alone

School is draining my energy out. It's only Monday, Diana! Gosh. Oh yah, did I tell U I skipped dance last Friday? Hahahhhahaahahah! Lazy and plain tired. I couldn't bear with it. Gosh

My weekends was alright. Shopping last Saturday was a blast! :D
New stocks to add in my wardrobe. AHA! *shakes butt*

I miss someone. It's you :)
(Random, really)

P/s: I miss you, girl. Yes, I know I shouldn't be a busybody and pester you to story me anything. But I care for you, if you do not know that. How much the others care for you, is exactly how much I care for you. I don't mind if you find me an irritant when it's that I know nothing, but I act as though I do. Bcus I swear, I dislike seeing you in this state. It hurts, oke. Where's the used-to-be cheerful, happy-go-lucky girl? I miss her. Alot

UPDATED:
I actually forgot to share that there was a monkey that visited us today in school. So small and cute(!?) It was at the opposite block. Ye Ming and Maisarah actually crossed the bridge to get to the other side to get closer to the monkey, cus Ye Ming wanna touch it(!?), but but the monkey chase after them. They screamed and ran! Hahahaahahhaha! They are mad, yes they are. Mai even said this, "Actually I want to pull the monkey's tail." *inserts weirdest-looking-face-ever*. That was my morning

^{Enough uh, so what you got boyfriend? Why bother when you have insecurities? I pity your boyfriend actually uh. Like trapped in a cage, you know. Aww. Sad case. Up to you uh. Favour uh, close your mouth alright. Macam mulut tempayan, tau? Hehehehe. What's all this, complaining to outsiders? Sorry, but what can that outsider do? That person is not way older than us, not even the same age. Gosh. Perangai merepek. Gi research macam mana nak ada boyfriend dulu uh. And yah, keep your comments to yourself alright, bebeh. Don't need to hear them. Aww. I wonder what's next}

Lethargic days

2009-05-21T23:43:00.002+08:00

Exhausted. Mentally, physically and emotionally. School's draining me out. Yes, I might be able to withstand it till now, but what about many months later? So many things to do, so little time. Rush. I hate it. Class tests are around the week, and I do not know whether I'm ready for them or not. I'm tired, kay? U get me? T-i-r-e-d

Dang I hate migraines. Make me force myself to puke. GRRRRTT. Oh, that is random, sorry. To think there's dance tomorrow. I don't feel like going, really. I feel like quitting and joining another Cca that's less tiring. The last practice was terrible for me, and I hate the feeling when the attack comes

Seriously, the giddiness is annoying me alot at this very moment.

I don't know who to turn to already. I know they'll not stop. They returned, yes. And no, it's definitely not good news. What's with all the sarcasm? Haven't you had enough? Guess my weakness has always been an advantage. Likewise you, I am sick and tired too

To think I actually copy-pasted the message you sent me here, but oh well, why am I bothering huh? Why dirty my blog. Gosh

Me, backstabbing? I seriously don't get it how you come up with such labels about me. If I am one, why things happen now? Haha! As they say, 'once a backstabber, always a backstabber'. Meaning I've been one all my life, eh? Gosh, it's when this happen, you find my negative side. What do you even mean when you said, I lost everything/everyone precious in my life? Like who? My family? Really!? Ah, I guess so. But well, I thought you didn't wanna have anything to do with me anymore? I'm not your problem anymore? What're you doing then? Spotting what I'm losing and what I'm not?

I am hurt, not because of that. Duh.
Can I quit school now?

Hopeless

2009-05-18T22:29:00.002+08:00

Damn. I feel useless. I've been working on my BZE case study since like, many many hours ago but I'm still not done yet. I do not have the motivation to read, summarize and analyze. I am never good in summaries in my secondary school days, thus this explains so much. And oh, to think I've got to complete 3 BZE case studies. The first submission is end of the week and I've not even say, started, on one? I feel terrible and... hopeless. Maybe that's the reason I'm in... here

Thankfully I've done my Cover letter for LPD. Hopefully I did well though. Tsk.

P/s: Where are U? U've not contacted me the whole day, I tried to contact U but to no avail. What is wrong. It's understandable that U might not want to help me, U might have doubts or be reluctant about it. If that's the case, please, do not hide about it. I'm open to listen. I miss U, I wanna hear from U

Not okay

2009-05-14T17:52:00.008+08:00

Tidakku sangka Ia berakhir begini. Mungkin Ia sudah takdir. Ada ketika dahulu, mereka adalah nyawaku. Sekarang, Ia bagaikan hidupku sudah tidak bermakna lagi. Adakah aku kuat? Adakah aku kuat untuk menghadapi semua ini? Tentu, Ia perlu masa dan semuanya aku menjadi biasa-biasa aja. Tetapi mengapa, mengapa aku rasa tidak senang hati? Aku rasakan bagaikan ada sesuatu yang tragik akan menimpa aku. Mungkin sumpahan orang atau Karma, Aku sumpah, Aku tak kuat menentangnya. Aku gagal lagi, lagi, dan lagi. Berkali-kali. Bak kata pepatah Inggeris, "Stand up after a fall", Aku rasa aku tidak seperti itu. Aku tidak kuat. Siapalah lagi Tiang Kekuatanku selain mereka. TUNGGU!

Ada. Bagaimana aku boleh lupa seseorang ini yang sudah hampir 8 tahun berjuang bersama aku, tidak pernah gagal untuk cuba sedaya upaya untuk berada di sampingku di saat-saat aku perlukan seseorang? Aku berasa amat terhutang budi pada dia. Tidakku sangka dia akan berbuat sedemikian, tidakku sangka dia akan memahami situasiku. Tetapi, dia telah berubah, sudah lebih matang. Aku bangga sama dirimu. Sepanjang karangan tidak boleh menyatakan betapa aku sangat menghargai dirimu, sejak hari pertama kita berkawan. Tiga haribulan Satu DuaribuDua

Jannah, forgive me that you had to go through this with me. I know you were helping me, no doubt I appreciate the effort so much. I am so confused and depressed right now, I don't know how to repay your kindness. I'm confused whether this is the best route for me. I am really still confused why you go through all that just to help me when you barely even know me. I hope through this, I'll grow stronger, which I barely can. I understand if you choose to leave me sooner.

Sad to say, I'm used to losing friends. But each time that happens, I feel as though I'm the loser. I've never grown stronger after each drama. People have been coming, counseling, telling me, "It is alright, take this as a learning lesson. Don't dwell on it, move forward. It was just an obstacle". But, I still follow my mind.

I can write a whole essay on how I'm feeling right now, but is it worth it? I am too hurt, right now. Infact, many reasons to be. Too many mixed emotions running in my heart right now. Once again, I fail in friendship. Something I'm used to, actually. As they say, "Friends come and go". This is true. I guess I've experienced enough. But, the term "I'm strong, I'm alright" is still not coming out from the inside.

To think after much drama, I've starting coughing.
To think, I'm back to school first thing tomorrow

Mates

2009-05-08T20:10:00.018+08:00

These are the people who makes me addicted to school and hating the weekends. A class so united, the bond is just there. I swear I love each and everyone's company, be it in lessons, break times or when we don't see each other. Like what all of you usually say, "I LOOOOVE ISB!"

JANNAH
(Sorry that we look half-asleep. It was on the way to sch, mind you)
Bella the bel's bestfriend. Funny how we actually know each other. Oh well, I already know you are in this course and school, was told by Bella. To think from there, we've gone closer eh? People would laugh upon seeing us, seeing our major, obvious differences. Oh well, why bother what they have to say huh? I am okay with it, and I hope you are too

Ain

(Our first outing together)
Truth be told, I actually didn't feel your presence for the first two days of school. It was until the 3rd day of school, SW lesson that I noticed you. It was then that you sat somewhere infront of me, and yes, you were looooouuuud! That was then, that I found you irritating. Really, but that was then, before we became Friends. Now, I enjoy your company so much, I wouldn't feel comfortable seeing you all quiet and down. It is then, when I know there's something bothering you

Humai & Ellisya
The two kecohrable girls, including Ain. They're super great company. And to think, I thought Ellisya was very arrogant judging from my first impression and her features. Haha! Second impression, she proved me wrong! She's just this happy-go-lucky kind of girl. Fun, fun, fun people I tell you. Humai, this nak-step-indon-cewek-. Cute, right?

There're more people as you can see in the class, but not many have I taken a photo with. Oh well, my mind's blank so toorah! I love my classmates

Now what?!

2009-04-16T16:17:00.003+08:00

I'm BACK! Like finally, I know. A month without blogging, guess my readers must have thought they're wasting their time visiting this dead blog. Hahahhaha!

Well, I'm doing good. Time really flies, it's already coming the end of weekday, therefore there goes a week of school. Orientation was okay, despite my day One which sucked! Hahahah! Let's just give it a pass, shall we?

Second day was better. Made new friends. ISB is a great class, friendly people I should say, are in it. Yay yay. And oh, have I told u that Jiahui and Me are in the same class? Oh my, oh my... Since sec2 we are classmates! Have been going to school with her since, forever! Haha! Well, she never changes... Still the noisy, entertaining, CUTE, lively girl I knew since way back. Hahaha! It's fun talking and getting to know classmates. Pity Jiahui who's always being teased for being "Li Jia Wei". Hahahha! Funny times
Third day we had normal timetable lessons. I was sabo-ed by my classmates, especially Jiahui(for revenge!) to be monitress, while my partner is Ahmad Saiful. (Too bad Jiahui, u're still something! Treasurer!) Me, monitress? Right... I'm studying PAC! Gosh. After school, Made our way, Jannah and I, to Woodlands to meet up with our friends who're studying in Rp. Met up with Fid&Hawa, Arati and Shasha. These four I miss alot!!!!!!! Had lunch/dinner with Arati then we made our way home

Headed school today for PAC lesson first, followed by break. Then had briefing, and made our way to Macpherson Ite for the Cca Roadshow. I've made up my mind and joined what I've always wanted. Met up with Juju there. God, I miss her! I shouted her name the moment I saw her. Hugged! Didn't get to meet Ayn, how sad! Leaving the school, at the gate, if I could remember, Liah shouted my name(issit?). Hugged her tight! Woooo... Rindu! Hahahah! If u're reading this, join dance laaaaaaaaaaah! Semangat volleyball seminit je pe! :P
Looking forward to many more days in school... (did I just say that?)

I MISS MY GIRLS! ALL THE V BEST FOR YOUR FUTURE. DON'T FORGET ME :)

Now

2009-02-09T23:05:00.004+08:00

Man, this blog is seriously rotting. Oh well, I doubt anyone do drop by though. Having holidays now, didn't expect 'this kind' of holiday. Seriously, I'm contented and appreciative. Hmm, mourning days are somewhat over eventhough I feel terrible sometimes. I can't wait for school to start cus I wanna study! Omg, did I just type the 5-letter word? Ha! No, It's true. Well at least, this 'study' is not the used-to-be six subjects. Oh damn, I have no idea what I've been typing. Upon reading back, I sound like Crap! Right? Hmm, one thing, I've been doing nothing cus I've not gotten myself a job! I've tried applying and all, but they just don't want me. Hahahah! Cousin Nurul's birthday just passed a few days ago, and I'm so sad that I didn't celebrate with her. Oohhh, Sis' birthday is coming up this weekend! Omg, I'm broke! Well done, Diana! Just... great. Urggggggggg~

^{I don't want to study there. I'm embarrassed to answer when someone asks where I'm posted to. It's such a sensitive question. It's toughh...}

What?!

2009-02-08T17:47:00.002+08:00

I have nothing to say these days. If you wanna know so much, Just talk to me. I can't wait for school to start, I'm rotting at home

True fear, so true

2009-02-01T02:22:00.002+08:00

What is your True Fear? Your Result: Disappointment You are a fun-loving, energetic, and cheerful person. You love adrenaline rushes, and going out at night. You constantly have to be having a great time to feel completely happy. Your biggest fear is not having anything to do, or having a huge disappointment/let down in your life. You hate being sad, and if something in your life suddenly went wrong it would be extremely hard for you to deal with. Just remember that everyone has to deal with hard times. Stay strong, and pretty soon your fun, party life will get right back the way it used to be.
Looked down on
Losing Someone
Being Alone
Where Your life is Going
Commitment
Death

So true

Escape

2009-01-17T01:28:00.008+08:00

Late nights again, insomnia it seems. Last night I went to bed at around 5.30am, was busy watching Gossip Girl. Now, I'm stuck and addicted to it. I wished I could buy the dvd. Have always wanted to buy the book, but it never happen. I'm bored sitting at home these days, I can't wait till the end of the month where I'll get to know of my application results. I can't wait to get to school and study. It beats rotting at home. It's 1.33am now, not sure when I'll get to sleep. Well, who wouldn't say no to late nights when it's holiday? Yes?

I just feel like running away. I tried, so hard. I'm not giving up, no. It's just tough. I feel as though I wanna go from here, travel around the globe. I guess I'm not strong enough for this. I won't say I'm weak, cus I've been trying. Let's put it this way- I'm just not strong enough to overcome this. Yes, I put up a strong front, all that's a facade. I don't say I lie, I just pretend. I just don't feel pleasant and at ease being in this kind of position. I need a change of environment, I can't stand it already. It feels so different. I hate it. The feeling have yet to go away. Yes, I do care about opinions, comments and gossips. I try not to, but yes, sensitivity plays an important role in my life.

Guess Ignorance is bliss...

Crushed

2009-01-16T00:53:00.003+08:00

Yes, I know. I've not been posting these days. So sorry. I feel as though I'm not myself anymore, I guess that applies to people who knows what had happened to me recently. Eventhough it's not that bad, I feel as though something tragic has hit me. I'm to embarassed to tell people, what's more typed it out here. Many have given advices to me and I appreciate the concern and effort v. much. But, I am too sad, you know? Since I, myself has gotten myself into this, I, myself should settle it myself. I'm trying my v. utmost best to stand back up after the fall.

I just can't make myself believe I did that terrible. I never aimed and expected that Huge number. Never! Why. What made it worst is the next paths I'm able to step on. The one I really wanted to step on, was not there. Even the alternative route too, I could not step into. It's terrible. I just am sad, too sad. Shameful. Disappointed. Angry. Too many emotions running in my mind when I got to know of it. I could feel as though my heart was breaking into many bits and pieces. It's too tough to understand it here. Oh well, nobody would understand how I am really feeling.

Congrats to those who made it. You must be v. proud of yourself. Good for you. All the v. best!

It really hurt to see my "she wants" section here. What was supposed to be slashed, is never gonna be slashed. How now? Easier said, All my non-slashed "she wants" is not happening. Might as well I take it off, right? Sigh

Why do I always fail in whatever I do? Why? It's so unfair.

Maybe I am born to be a failure!

Insomnia

2009-01-14T21:47:00.001+08:00

Torned, Crashed, Hurt, Disappointed, Crushed

Hehe, hehe, hehe!!!

2009-01-09T13:17:00.006+08:00

Oh My God, Check this out maynnnnnn!

The conversation :-

him:
ite macpherson
me:
ouh,going to 2nd yr?
me:
u amek apa course?
him:
aru first yr..
him:
mechatronics
me:
ouh
him:
u tinggal mane ?
me:
hougang,u?
him:
wdlnds.
him:
aru nk jmp.. (CRAZY, WE DO NOT EVEN KNOW EACH OTHER!!!)
him:
jauh sey.
me:
ya larr (LAZY TO ENTERTAIN NOW...)
him:
i g hougang..
him:
u nak ? (OF COURSE NOT!!)
him:
hehe.
me:
i takleh kua sia (SERVES U RIGHT!!)
him:
haha
him:
knape ?
me:
kena tunggu sampai results release
him:
btw u ade webcam tak ?

me:
takda,knape? (RIGHT... ACTUALLY I DO)
him:
tnye je.
him:
kalo ade nk tgk muke u jap. (WHO WANTS TO SHOW THEIR FACE TO U?)
me:
buat pe?tak lawa takya tgk
him:
dah uh..
him:
org ckp lawa
him:
degel sey (I WON'T FALL FOR IT...)
him:
bye uh !
me:
eh... fine
him:
sombong sia..
me:
tak sia!
him:
ape2 uh..
him:
janji u selamat dah ok.. (WOW... SO FIERCE??? HAHHAHAA!)
him:
u ckp u tk lawa kn
him:
up to u k.
me:
eh bobal...
me:
nvm
me:
tak psl ah
me:
u dont knw me
me:
then anyhw judge (AM I RIGHT??)
me:
it's oke
him:
ok..
him:
sorry k. (KESIAN AH KAMU!! HAHHAHA!!!)
him:
sorry k.
me:
wht?takmo prangai ah (AM I RIGHT OR WHT?)
me:
!!
me:
best pe?
me:
ok.fine
him:
bye then..
me:
i dont mind us being friends,but pls dont b so childish like this can,it's oke larr, anw im not like those other girls uve been talkg to,im just different,if u dont like it,then forgt it

Then, It ended. HAHAHAHA!! And he offlined. Truthfully, he just added me like before the conversation, oke? Like, wth? Asking for a meet up and all? Pleaseeee... And getting all flirty with "hehe"s and all. I won't fall for all this oke. We're of the same age, but It seems that I'm more mature than you. Grow up, mister! You're already in tertiary education whereas I've yet to be in. Urghh, I can't help laughing upon seeing this kind of people!!

It made me laugh oke! Hahahahahahahah, Damn. No, serious. I can't get over this. I knew I had to blog about this the moment the conversation started. It made my morning, I tell you!

Love

2009-01-04T23:20:00.005+08:00

Sentosa on New Year

Showing off the ring ehh? *winks*
The day we went Bowling. Had funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

Come just a little bit closer...

2009-01-04T17:16:00.003+08:00

Yay, finally finished doing up the layout. Currently entertaining myself on headphones moving my body to the playlist. Anyway, school has started for some people. I miss school, (omg did I just say that? No...) I miss school cliques! I still have no clue when's the release of the O's results. Dang! Who knows, please pretty please inform me? *shows puppydog face*
So, it's 11pm now and Mum is still not back yet. She went to visit her relative who just passed away. I did visit her when she was still ill. Inanilla wari'ajiunn. Semoga Rohnya dicucuri rahmat.
Hmm, I seriously have no idea on what to blog about. Oh well, I leave it to my fingertips to do the typing. So yeah, on New Year, we went to Sentosa to have a swim and have fun. It was okay, despite the fact that all were tired, stoned, sleepy as we do not have enough sleep from the day before's countdown outing. Some did not even sleep a wink! The weather was being so confusing, it was sunny before, then rained, then sunny again then it rained again. Hahah! After leaving the place, had dinner at Banquet and off we left. Too tired to even spend more time outside.
I miss quite a number of people, especially those I've not met for such a long time! Namely: Arati, Aisha, Yaya, Qila, Khat, Cika, Qeelia, Syazana, Hawa and many more. Too many to name. They should know themselves. Hope you girls are happy with your lives oke?

Hopefully my wish to study Early Childhood Education at Ngee Ann poly do come true. I want it so badly. What if I don't qualify? What if?? Should I continue my studies? ITE for ECH or should I apply for private ECH diploma? I'm so confused!!

A new Beginning...

2009-01-01T02:20:00.007+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My motive for this post would be all about me going through the year 2008 which just ended 2 hours ago. I'll try to type the main points from A to Z.

JANUARY-MARCH;
Throughout those months was indeed TERRIBLE and NERVEWRECKING for me. Well, those were the first few months of stressing for the upcoming O's. First few months of being an undergrad of O's made Deeanaa: Cranky, Bitchy, Naughty and Rebellious. Seriously, I just hated school. Everything was not right for me. Lessons were too fast, chapters ended super quick. School, studies were disasters! Kept wanting to even quit sec5 and enter ITE for April Intake. Been complaining to my mother and friends. They got fed up with me. Nyah! OH AND YAHH, I cried ALOT these months. Attended Adam Khoo's workshop and learned alot! I learnt to be positive, believe in self and do not easily give up. That lasts quite a while, and then teacher made me attend counselling, then I was like whuuttt?! It was B-O-RINGGGGG!

SEPTEMBER;
Prelims period. Could not do all the papers as I got hospitalized for 11days when the papers were going on. Sigh. Went through the Procedure and it hurts so bad, I cried the whole night!!! Pain pain pain!!

OCTOBER;
Oooh, the days came. O levels!! Studied regularly with regular studybuddies at the Airport. Missing those days!!

NOVEMBER;
Birthday girl, right... More like disappointing and worst birthday? I rather have the usual birthday each year, about the same but not as disappointing! End of the O's. PROMM NIGHT!! MEMORABLE!! You should know if you've read my previous' blog entry about that night. Yeeh!! Oh, and had my operation. Hurts, pain, hurts!!!

DECEMBER;
Was all about hanging out with friends. Meeting up with relatives. It was Great. Most Importantly, I've been looking forward to this date 31122008. I've planned to go out on this day, not like the past years where I've been at home. I wanted to feel the atmosphere celebrating with loved ones and have lotsa fun. SADLY, the day went zig-zag for me. It was terrible. I mean, It's my first celebration yet, It SUCKS. I'm so disappointed I wanna cry. My life sucks- then. Put the past behind and look forward for a better 2009 and so on! That's the Spirit!! Nyeh.

Well, now you know? GOOD. Thanks to those who made those months 'happen. Let's leave all these as memories and look forward to the future!! ALL THE VERY BEST, DEEANAA!!!

Oh dear...

2008-12-17T22:21:00.002+08:00

Currently listening to Ska songs. It's been so long since I listen to one...

Okay, I know I'm so random. Well, actually I'm not intending to blog cus I do not have the motivation to do so. So... what have I to share with readers(is there even one?)? These days, it has been great. Let's not talk about the operation and days recovering after that. I still feel aches around my waist. Well, follow up postponed to next month. How long is that? Nevermind about that.

These days I've been spending alot of time with my cousins. I enjoyed every moment of it very much. I guess it started since the 2-night sleepover at cousin Nurul's place. Just us two, how peaceful and great. The rest of her family went for holiday. Thanks for the wonderful hospitality eventhough I had backaches after that. (giggles)

Helped Kak Sud out with her preschool concert together with cousins, Nurul, Iza, Aus & Ali. The concert did not went on smoothly, but received good feedbacks. Alhamdulillah. My job was quite easy. Heh.

I'm wondering why am I typing this post in paragraphs? Ha! Weird...
I'm sorry if I bore you with my stories. It's very random, I know.

I miss Twin, Arati, clique, schoolmates.

And ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, cousin Kak Mas' solemnization and wedding is this weekend. How quick time flies. Thankfully, we don't have to help out(kendarat-ing). Ha! Us cousins' job is to take care and play with our nieces, Yasmine & Iris. Yeeeeahh! Advanced congratulations to her! Semoga ke anak cucu. :)

Ended Msn conversation with Twin. Now I've nothing to do. Thinking should I play a game online or edit my blog layout? Hahahahhaha, bored!

Twilight Gala Premiere

2008-12-10T11:48:00.006+08:00

You've guessed it. But not quite. You must have guessed I'm looking forward to the movie right? Well, your guess is wrong. I'VE WATCHED IT! AND I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE IT 100%!

Received canon goodie bags. Some of the things inside:

Pulled Twin in to catch the Gala Premiere of Twilight. Met up with her and Tiara cousin first and we hung out at CityHall. 7pm, pulled our butts out and trained to Orchard. Met up with many of our cousins/relatives. There was a private reception, and we ate Pasta! Umm, yummeh... So, 8.30pm, went in Lido Theatre 1. Sat with Twin, mum and sis. Cousins/relatives separated in the cinema. Haha! Bought popcorn. Movie starts. I swear to you, I was feeling sleepy and lethargic yesterday, but I endured throughout the whole movie. I couldn't take my eyes off the screen. The movie, I LOVE ONE HUNDRED PERCENT, I tell you. It's the movie of the year, baby! Go, go, go watch it! In cinemas 18 Dec :D

I'll rate the movie FULL MARKS. Awesome storyline, Awesome characters, Awesome climaxes! WooooooHooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!

14th November - Punggolites' Accreditation & Recognition Night '08

2008-11-18T19:26:00.025+08:00

I had a great time. Well, I finally realised why they organised such events. Initially, I thought of it as something simple, "remeh". But eventually, beneath it all, It's a day where thoughts and memories will be remembered, and therefore this day will be forever in mind. I learnt alot, about my fellow friends that day. We, graduating together, celebrate our graduation on this very day, was filled with much joy and laughters. How I'm gonna miss all that in future... Seeing my fellow schoolmates dressed at their best, I'm sure they'll be successful in the near future. I love them all, especially those I'm close with, for sure they'll do very well in life. All the very best to ALL of you, please, don't forget me. Please, Keep in touch. Those who did not attend that day, you missed out the fun. 14th Nov, has alot of meaning for me. I love how I dressed and how I look, I look different, they say. All thanks to Kak Sud for doing me up so beautifully. My girls, Hawa & Fidtria, you girls look great too! ;D

That day.
Met up with Hawa & Fidtria, and off to Wak Nor's place. Kak Sud bought us food. Like, I felt so bad, you know. She did us up free-of-charge, therefore even bought food for us. Thanks a million! So, we started making-up. I was first, followed by Hawa then Fid. Didn't know that making-up could take so much time. Then we got changed into our dresses. I didn't really like my outfit, but well, I turned to like it. Ha! We were short of time actually, but managed to do our hair. I looooove my hairdo! Hawa's was bunned up, thus, with a flower clipped on! How feminine huh? After looking absolutely good, was shocked that the clock showed 5.10pm? We had to actually reach The Pines at 5.30pm. Ha! Thankfully, when we went to the voideck, there's a taxi passing by. So, we hopped in. We weren't late at all! The event actually started at 6.30pm! Ha! We were so nervous to pass by others actually. Was excited seeing other schoolmates looking great! Took photos here and there, for memories! Sat with the 5n1/n2 malay students at the beautiful round table and started our fun. We had fun, talking and giggling and eating. There were games, it was all okay. Congrats to Dominic and Audrey for crowning the Prom King & Queen title! So proud of my chairman, Dominic. Looking hot that day, eh. Audrey deserved it, she's really a pretty girl.

Congrats to Hakim & Atikah for winning the Bestdressed contest. Aftermath, there was dancing time. I did not really, was shy! Then, we left the place and cabbed home. Fid & Hawa followed me home to collect their belongings and then went home.

Thanks classmates for the wonderful and memorable night!

That was then. Could you tell I was happy? I will miss you people. All the best in life, dear friends. It's sad to part, but I hope this will not be the end of us. I love and appreciate every single one of you. Goodnight!

urg!

2008-11-07T17:07:00.001+08:00

Decided to edit the short post bef0re. I'm just not feeling great. I just feel like... ah whatever. Who bothers anyway. People just don't get it, do they? I guess things are going like it used to. History's repeating itself. I'm terrible, hopeless. Just let me goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Don't bother thinking about my birthday, cus it's useless. If you've got anything(which of cus u don't) plan up, DON'T BOTHER. Take it as a bad day. OK bye, remember

Talk about life...

2008-11-06T01:03:00.005+08:00

I absolutely believe and am assure that things will change soon. Even before I start, it will make its way first. Now I'm at a lost, really. What should I do now? Give myself a Pause, or continue with what I've planned, I'm totally at a lost now. Lost of direction it seems. My life is seriously not getting any better.

Oh and btw,

Happy Birthday to Mayasarah. May your wishes & dreams come true. Enjoy your day to the max, oke? As it only comes once a year. I love you, but but, I miss you even more. Syg kamu;D

Things as it is

2008-11-04T22:33:00.005+08:00

I realised and am feeling as though many things have been changing in my surroundings. Why, each time I try to change, my surroundings do it first? Well, nobody would understand what crap I'm typing here, but well as they say, You yourself know you better. I can feel as though my heart just sank deep down, and got crushed. I'm not contented with my current events. I just wanna break down upon seeing things the way it is. I'm not Contented, satisfied. I just wanna cry, but what's the point? Is things gonna automatically change after that? As I've always ask myself, Why Bother? This question kept popping in my head. I need a break, I'm tired as it is now

Sigh, this whole post speak "Pathetic Little Girl"