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Can you survive
a dilemma?



An 8teen year old who has always been a struggling, but proud student
Prioritizing family & friends, she treasures them much
She loves indulging in good food and has dreams to fly around the globe
Very much interested in High fashion & hopes to catwalk down Runways
Wanna be rich one day. Photos are merely photos.
She is known to be a low-self esteem and negative person.


Facebook, Friendster (inactive),
Livejournal (slightly private) & MySpace (inactive)

Hawa Bestfriend
Ayn Liah Ainn Elle Jenny the Jen

Down Memory Lane
(under construction)
2007


2008
Shooting star no more.. .,
Friday, September 4, 9/04/2009 03:46:00 pm

What just happened. What did happen. Can someone repeat and make me understand what already happened. I don't know how to express my feelings right now. I don't even know what feelings should I potray. Am I upset? Am I angry? Who do I even have to turn to now. Never had this happened before. Why did this had to happen. Is it my fault. Isn't that another way of telling you want to get all this done and over with? Why can't you just make it clear, rather than making me suffer more. If you had speak your mind, be clearer, yes I would suffer terribly but wouldn't that be better than doing it slowly? I can smile and laugh no more. Eyes are as swollen as an egg. What more can I do now. Thank you for everything, you've made me learn so much and I strongly believe that we can be much better, not as why you claimed we can't. I can't disagree no more. Decision's final, right. All this while, eventhough I'm true to you, sadly you still believe your wrong beliefs of me. I cannot accept your reasons for this "______". But I can't do nothing here. I can't believe you would do this. How could you. I don't think I've been asking alot in this ____, I think I've been patient enough. If only you would realize. Yes, I know your reasons for wanting this _____, and yes I'm sorry that I'M A TERRIBLE ___ who can't be there for you and help you in them. Wait. Who am I to you? Who have I always been in your mind and your heart? I clearly understand why you've been pinpointing me when actually you're the one that has the guilty conscious. I don't blame you, I'll NEVER blame you. You said I don't deserve you? I don't care, get me? I still don't get it why because of your ____, you want to get me off? Doesn't mean you have ____, you have to get me off. It's the same as getting rid of me, isn't it? I don't get it why you still can't be honest here. It's like as though you just know me yesterday or the day before. I can't take all this, it's really taking over me. I can't think anymore, all I've been doing is just cursing and swearing. Why do I even bother posting entries relating to you? I can't understand why, what you've been saying is as though all of this is entirely my fault. Haven't you saddened me enough? Haven't you made me suffer enough? I'm sorry but I'm not complaining. I miss you alot, but why, why when I got my happiness back, it just goes down the drain? Can't I be happy?

---

I'm so upset. I don't get it why you just wanna get rid of me. Why can't you just speak your mind and tell me you hate me already. Why can't you just be true and tell me you don't need and want me anymore. You're different now. It pains me hearing all the sarcasms and all the sentences that are ohso harsh. My heart has been breaking into many small pieces each time you talk like that. My heart has been aching non stop. I love you, boy. What more do you want from me? Oh wait, you don't even want me. But I thank you for everything. I know there's not gonna be an "Us" anymore it seems, right. Isn't this the end of us? Tell me!!!!! Fxck, but I love you still. Fxck fxck fxck, life stinks. I APOLOGIZE FOR BEING THE MOST TERRIBLE GIRLFRIEND EVER
Still _____ you, boyfriend

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Salam sayang,
ymB aanaeeD ♥