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Can you survive
a dilemma?



An 8teen year old who has always been a struggling, but proud student
Prioritizing family & friends, she treasures them much
She loves indulging in good food and has dreams to fly around the globe
Very much interested in High fashion & hopes to catwalk down Runways
Wanna be rich one day. Photos are merely photos.
She is known to be a low-self esteem and negative person.


Facebook, Friendster (inactive),
Livejournal (slightly private) & MySpace (inactive)

Hawa Bestfriend
Ayn Liah Ainn Elle Jenny the Jen

Down Memory Lane
(under construction)
2007


2008
Not okay,
Thursday, May 14, 5/14/2009 05:52:00 pm

Tidakku sangka Ia berakhir begini. Mungkin Ia sudah takdir. Ada ketika dahulu, mereka adalah nyawaku. Sekarang, Ia bagaikan hidupku sudah tidak bermakna lagi. Adakah aku kuat? Adakah aku kuat untuk menghadapi semua ini? Tentu, Ia perlu masa dan semuanya aku menjadi biasa-biasa aja. Tetapi mengapa, mengapa aku rasa tidak senang hati? Aku rasakan bagaikan ada sesuatu yang tragik akan menimpa aku. Mungkin sumpahan orang atau Karma, Aku sumpah, Aku tak kuat menentangnya. Aku gagal lagi, lagi, dan lagi. Berkali-kali. Bak kata pepatah Inggeris, "Stand up after a fall", Aku rasa aku tidak seperti itu. Aku tidak kuat. Siapalah lagi Tiang Kekuatanku selain mereka. TUNGGU!

Ada. Bagaimana aku boleh lupa seseorang ini yang sudah hampir 8 tahun berjuang bersama aku, tidak pernah gagal untuk cuba sedaya upaya untuk berada di sampingku di saat-saat aku perlukan seseorang? Aku berasa amat terhutang budi pada dia. Tidakku sangka dia akan berbuat sedemikian, tidakku sangka dia akan memahami situasiku. Tetapi, dia telah berubah, sudah lebih matang. Aku bangga sama dirimu. Sepanjang karangan tidak boleh menyatakan betapa aku sangat menghargai dirimu, sejak hari pertama kita berkawan. Tiga haribulan Satu DuaribuDua

Jannah, forgive me that you had to go through this with me. I know you were helping me, no doubt I appreciate the effort so much. I am so confused and depressed right now, I don't know how to repay your kindness. I'm confused whether this is the best route for me. I am really still confused why you go through all that just to help me when you barely even know me. I hope through this, I'll grow stronger, which I barely can. I understand if you choose to leave me sooner.

Sad to say, I'm used to losing friends. But each time that happens, I feel as though I'm the loser. I've never grown stronger after each drama. People have been coming, counseling, telling me, "It is alright, take this as a learning lesson. Don't dwell on it, move forward. It was just an obstacle". But, I still follow my mind.

I can write a whole essay on how I'm feeling right now, but is it worth it? I am too hurt, right now. Infact, many reasons to be. Too many mixed emotions running in my heart right now. Once again, I fail in friendship. Something I'm used to, actually. As they say, "Friends come and go". This is true. I guess I've experienced enough. But, the term "I'm strong, I'm alright" is still not coming out from the inside.

To think after much drama, I've starting coughing.
To think, I'm back to school first thing tomorrow

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Salam sayang,
ymB aanaeeD ♥